Anticipating being an elder

I have noticed that lately, when I tell people my ago (60) they rush to tell me, "Oh, you don't look anywhere near that old!" as if looking 60 were something odious, to fight and disguise.

When I tried to tell a friend I feel older, she cheerfully scolded me: "Don't say that! You're only as old as you feel."

I tried to explain myself: I do feel older.

It takes longer to bounce back after draining work or a flight across six time zones. I sense the unfolding of history, the transit between eras: from five and dime stores to online shopping, from people smoking at their desks to not being able to light up even in public spaces.

I'm getting cranky: can I just please be my age? I want to be 60 so that I can get on with this developmental stage of life, even if I live nearly 40 years more, as my mother did.

I have long been interested in Erik Erikson's Developmental Stages: his theory that we have some innate characteristics but others are learned during specific stages of growth. Late Adulthood (55 or 65 to death) can be a time of celebration for what one has contributed, a sense that life has meaning and value, but also some growing detachment from the striving and accomplishment of the preceding stage, Middle Adulthood.

He calls the developmental challenge at this stage "Integrity vs Despair". Despair is what happens when one feels "is this all there is?", that you have wasted your talents or time. The gift of achieving Integrity is a connection not only to ones' family, but also to the human family.

Of course there's sporadic mourning for diminishing muscle tone, or knowing I'll never read a newspaper without a pair of glasses again. But it's not such a big deal. From here to whatever's on the other side, I hope to savour the delights and endure the trials as ably as possible.

If I'm not quite at that final stage, I am preparing to be there, and that interests me far more than "How Not to Look Old". There's a lot of growing to do between the pink lip gloss and the formaldehyde.

So I don't want to ignore or erase my hard-earned Late Adult years. At left, M.F.K. Fisher (a writer I love) at this point in her journey, and isn't she fully alive?

"When I write of hunger, I am really writing about love and the hunger for it, and the warmth of the love of it, and it is all one."
-M.F.K. Fisher