Dressing to please your true love
When Deja Pseu posted this photo on her wonderful blog, Une femme d'un certain age, I asked LeDuc his impression. He replied with a string of one-word impressions: "Getup-y. Eccentric." He paused to study the photo further. "Neat. Bohemian. Sexy? God, no. Looks like a very stylish nun." Then he said, warmly, "Not like you."
Occasionally, I've bought someting that's received compliments from my stylish girlfriends, but left him cold. After a few wears, it hung forlorn in the closet. These items were inevitably from the intellectual Japanese-y end of the style continuum, or had that Eileen Fisher too-comfortably-cut look. (Le Duc derides Eileen Fisher. If I bought a piece I'd have to cut the tags out.)
Now, your sweetheart might adore you in EF, or Comme. Great! Every shoe finds its mate, as they say, and what one "should" wear is not my mission. I dress for my guy, because it is one more way of delighting him.
I never converted him to rigourous, oddly-cut clothes. He still teases me about a cavernous black Japanese coat I wore when we met, roughly the proportions of a storage shed. He has, over 20-some years, shaped my taste toward the more body-conscious. Always a bit modest, I ventured toward more décollete once I married the man I wanted looking there.
Many years ago, after I returned from one of those outlet-mall trolls with my mother, he suggested that I buy better clothes instead of the trunkload of barely-bridge "bargains" we'd scored. I knew in my heart he was right, as long as he would not fade when I revealed the cost of an upgrade.
He likes discreet, fine clothes (Jil Sander), arresting colour (Hermes) and impeccable tailoring (Max Mara). He's never chosen something for me that I don't like, though occasionally forgets my voluptitude and buys me some
thing like a clingy Donna Karan cashmere dress that no amount of Spanx will solve. My only stubborn point of difference is that I'll wear heels only on state occasions.He says his ideal women is Fanny Ardent (and strangely enough, people tell him he reminds them of her current partner, Gerard Depardieu.)
While I would like to say I dress to please myself, I dress to please him, even if I'm not seeing him that day. That's amore!
For whom do you dress? Does that style also please you?
Comments
I used to joke that my husband wanted me to dress like an Orange County Republican Lady Who Lunches (think a Cindy McCain look, sans the designer price tag). Colorful, tailored skirted suits, mostly. I bought these and wore for a while when we were first together, and while they probably were flattering, I felt like I was wearing someone else's clothing. He also likes clothing that I find to be way too tight and wishes I'd show more skin than I'm comfortable with. Usually I can make him happy by just wearing some color. His taste overall is much more conservative than mine.
I'm going to respond more via a post soon.
I must procure a Japanese styled coat the size of a storage shed. This would solve the problem of changing from gym clothes to church clothes. I'd be wearing my own "cabana" so to speak. If I installed a shower head inside the coat, all my problems would be solved.
LOL @ Karen. Sounds like it would be about the size of my apartment.
Part of this feeling of satisfaction with this strategy is, without doubt, that it meets with the enthusiastic approval of my hubby.
I'm with you all the way on this one. I couldn't bear to wear anything that he doesn't like, but luckily this doesn't happen too often. I will always ask his opinion if I'm in any doubt and although he makes a bit of joke of it, I really do respect what he has to say. And, like all happy marriages, I give as good as I get!
I'm also enjoying the opinions of my daughter as she grows through her teens. On occasions when I have to appear as her mother, eg. school concerts, prize giving, etc., I have let her choose my outfit from my wardrobe. It's interesting to see how she wants me to appear and how she sees me.
There is another photo of the same woman last year on the Sartorialist's blog in January 2008 in a fabulous black puffer coat and long black boots. To be honest I prefer that city look to the peasant coat.
You see, my husband's opinion is already beginning to affect the way I see her now!
The woman loks to me just as your husband described. A disciplined woman slightly 'relaxed'.
Pseu: I'm guessing you felt older in those skirt suits? But he gets the colour via your beautiful scarves. They appreciate skin, cleavage, heels, showing your charms.
Karen: SO, what happens at 2 inches?
Wendy: From your photos I would guess that MrB is an extremely happy man.
sjcyogi
GP: your husband has provided his impression of 'who she is". I'm also wondering how he responds to that look.
What's interesting is that from the first positive impact it had on me I'm now beginning to see the flaws, and I'm sure that's partly due to knowing my husband's opinion on it and partly due to the fact that I've been growing rather weary of this look for the past year and prefer something a little sharper, like her outfit last January (see The Sartorialist January 2008).
Anyway it's all making for a good debate on more that one blog!
About 10 or so years ago, though, when I had moved quite consistently to the comforts of a long (mid-calf) skirt which I saw as artsy/boho, Pater commented that he liked me in shorter skirts, and I decided to give him what he wanted. I've come to like this look on me very much and I like his infatuation with my legs!
I think what I like best, though, is his open-mindedness and willingness to learn why I like what I do. AND above all, as Greying Pixie alludes to, it's the give and take in our very long marriage, in this as in all issues, that keeps me dressing with him in mind, whether I end up choosing what he would or not.
ma: I think most men are like Pater, they like shorter skirts (cultural traditions aside)! Le Duc has a phrase, "dressing like a social worker", by which he means a very safe, prim look. I try to avoid that. But then, when the FLDS womens' pictures were in the news last year he said he found all the flowing long hair alluring.
In fact, I definitely dress so that I do not attract the wrong kind of attention.
And, obviously, I dress appropriately for the occasion.
Mostly meaning for work. Our office dress code is business casual (and this being California, you know the emphasis is on the casual part). But happily since I support the company president and vice president, I get to dress it up a bit and lean toward the business part, which suits my style.
Specifically, I like modest but not frumpy, well tailored clothes. Since I am definitely not rich, I am making all of my clothes now and transitioning out the 'bargain finds'. I have a specific look I am going for, sort of 90% intellectual, 10% artistic. Having a focus helps immensely.
Any sexiness comes from me naturally, not the clothing talking for me.
Whatever I wear, I try to keep it simple and elegant no matter what the occasion. I sometimes fail, but I do sort of try.
(I surfed over from Deju Pseu's blog as you have some very, very interesting comments posted there.)
I would dearly love to say I dress for myself, and to a certain extent I do, but I dress for my man too and I would not really wear something he did not like on me.
That said I think I have a prize in that he is interested in clothes and style and what I wear and he has been willing to let his taste grow and evolve with our marriage as well. When we met I would say he would prefer me to dress the way Pseu describes as "Orange County Republican Lady Who Lunches", primarily I think because that is what he knew. He still would chose a more tailored look overall for day, although he is open to variations. I would describe his current taste more along the lines you describe for Le Duc. My G does like some Miyake and some Commes Des Garcons however, and he was a great fan of the late Gianfranco Ferre. I think these things appeal to the part of him that loves art and architecture and modern music. Still he would overall prefer a more fitted silhouette and tends to prefer a single statement piece to a head-to-toe avante-garde look.
Like many men he likes cleavage and legs, especially in evening wear. He things women can look fabulous in well-fitting pants, and he does like the occasional long skirt. He tells me the way the fabric caresses the legs when walking can be quite sexy. But it is all in how the woman puts it together and he finds most women in long skirts unappealing and boring.
I like dressing to please him, but at the same time he knows we differ in many ways and he is willing to accept that my clothing choices may embrace some of these differences. I feel lucky in his interest, and his willingness to learn what I like.