Pondering What I Wore (WIW) posts
This is a post inspired by the wonderful Deja Pseu's post about her year-end wardrobe review. I left a comment which I've thought about since:
"I think posting WIWs or WIBs elicits positive comments from women who *adore* the thing, but it still is not right for the poster. It is extremely rare that a commenter will say, "Uh, I don't think so". They don't want to hurt someone's feelings or make us feel worse, because the thing's been bought.
I tried it once (not on your blog) and the poster got so defensive, I thought, Never again. So I now just say something like, "Enjoy!" (Do people want an opinion or just praise?)"
I tried it once (not on your blog) and the poster got so defensive, I thought, Never again. So I now just say something like, "Enjoy!" (Do people want an opinion or just praise?)"
Wait a little minute, I said to myself, after writing that. The enjoyment of praise is only one motive for the WIW post.
WIWs offer lessons. Women have always studied what other women are wearing for edification. "Oh, look how she ties a scarf; I could try that." The writer might show how she pairs a years-old sweater with new jeans; this imparts confidence that we can do that, too. WIWs provide vicarious enjoyment: mother-of-bride ensembles, party dresses, what to take on safari–what fun!
Sometimes the writer seeks validation for buying (I couldn't resist this; isn't it cute?) Perhaps she's excited about a bargain and wants to show us her good luck.Or she has found something she likes and wants to offer you that information, too. (Therefore, here is the Wolff & Descourtis fine wool shawl, which "E.A." asked to see after I named it as one of my five best buys of last year.)
The thin ice is when a writer seeks feedback (Which shoes look better with this dress? Should I keep this jacket?) I've noticed that responses are sometimes more about the commenter's tastes than the writer's question.
It is here that I find myself challenged, on occasion. If think something's a mistake on her, I struggle with what to say. The real-life girlfriend can cry "No! Not that shade of red!", but should a commenter? I'm most likely to be candid when a writer receives all comments (short of nastiness) with even-handed consideration.
And how useful is my assessment, anyway, when so much is missing from the photo: the woman's animation of the clothes, her gestures, her personality? Haven't you ever passed several hours in rapt conversation and had no idea what your friend wore, once you parted?
Women's insecurities are ratcheted up to bizarre levels by the beauty and fashion industries– do we need more judgment? Or have we become accultured to constant assessment and competition?
When we face ourselves, as well as the camera, strive to please ourselves, rather than others, and feel beautiful in our own skins, regardless of the perfection of any outfit, then What I Wore is simply a record of us, on a given day, showing ourselves to the world.
Comments
Were it me I'd definitely like to know and the same goes for my blog. I always encourage honest feedback.
That said, it still stings when I receive a dissenting opinion.
I was curious about that scarf you mentioned. It definitely exceeds expectations! I did a wee search--is the only place you can see them at that Vivienne shop?
I don't do that many nowadays, at first I thought it was a necessary part of blogging but I'm very uncomfortable in front of the camera. Already, I see the odd pic of myself flashing up and cringe!
I think the value in WIW posts for our demographic (and why I finally relented and started doing them occasionally) is to get images out there of women who are not models or physically perfect or photoshopped or wearing something put together by a stylist. There's a hunger out there to see women we believe are Like Us, to be culturally visible. And to share ideas about how to make our wardrobes work harder.
I can often appreciate a certain WIW look, even if it runs counter to my own taste. If the poster is asking for feedback ("does this work?") I try to be constructive and offer a suggestion. And I appreciate honest, well-intended feedback on my own WIW's (and mostly laugh off the "drive by" snarky comments).
coffeeaddict: There are so many personal styles out there; if someone is less than admiring, it's just her preference. However, when someone says "That skirt is not a great length on *you*" I really listen. Another's eye is very useful.
Frugal: There is a *lot* of validation for consuming, whether retail or secondhand. The shawl is from the much-loved, small Wolff & Descourtis' boutique in Galeries Vivienne, sold only there.
Tabitha: You're good at showing only a shoe, sleeve or detail!
Enjoy your day.
Enjoy your day.
I am really tired of seeing stick insect models that are 19 years old showing us fashions in the glossy mags...I want to see real women, wrinkles, pounds and all.
I may be quirky in this area, no apologies!
When I post WIW, I'm rarely asking for an opinion although I try not to be defensive when I get suggestions for improvement. Sometimes I know as I post it that the photo is showing weaknesses in the outfit that I couldn't perceive in the mirror. Sometimes I know the photo just doesn't convey what does work about it -- or how good it makes me feel.
Primarily, though, I'm simply Sharing. I believe we need more diversity of images of what women my age look like -- particularly in regards to fashion/style, and I decided I want to try to address that in my tiny way.
As well, quite pragmatically, I've found that readers seem to like those posts and I like readers. I think it's because what we wear reveals something of our personality -- well, duh! -- and it adds to what we know of our blogging friends.
I tend, generally, to be very careful about offering feedback even when someone claims to want it -- it's so very easy for that feedback to tap into insecurities and to be misread. On-line especially, I think we're still working out how to read context without all those facial and body-language cues.
In the previous post, I did think Duchesse was being too hard on herself - I think her record in wise but smashing spending was admirable this year, and indeed, my accountant (she works with mad, disorganised artists like me, the admirable soul) has reminded me that dry cleaning, for example, can be a business expense - not that I have a lot, but a woollen coat and boiled wool jacket I often wear for out-of-house work certainly do.
It takes quite a bit of skill to provide constructive criticism - and praise - while admitting one's own style and colour preferences. Pastel anything makes me want to run screaming in the opposite direction, and I have to remember that the colour pink can have utterly different connotations according to culture - in India, or in Mexico, just to cite cultures where pink is common without being infantile or saccharine.
I do admit that I was frightened by one style blogger's overstuffed closets and other storage - I have a poor child's tendency to hoarding and an artsty-farsty's tendency to literary, artistic clutter and have been working hard on weeding it out. And some seem to simply be buying too much.
The lessons, as Duchesse states, are very important, as there are so few available for women in mid-life or older. I'd add even fewer for those with limited means, but who have to look current for work. And in my case, for the kind of women who definitely do not want to look mumsy, suburban, or overly conventional while not wanting to look like a crafts show victim!
And personally, I'm very fond of uniform. I bought two identical merino v-necks on 60% sale at the Bay in the after-Christmas sales, and a pair of black petite boot-cut jeans, at a different store. Just hoping to get another plain gore skirt from a local-designer shop on avenue Mont-Royal - they only have print ones this season...
Before blogging we always had real women to look at, day to day. Now we have a vast stream of blogs documenting WIW- and these images in fact outnumber the media offerings.
The "be visible" rallying cry raises my suspicion, because I find real-life women entirely visible, except for those in burkas, and that's another matter.
If women past 50 (or whatever) are dismayed because "no one looks at me", my crabby retort is, "Not like they did when we were 20, you bet- and maybe it's time to accept it."
Lynda: Thank you; long a classic Winter, now think I might be a Late Fall or whatever that slightly shifted palette is called.
hostess: You might do as many other women have decided to do: don't buy those magazines. I take a peek @ hairdresser's sometimes. Some WIW posts inspire me, but overall there is only so long I want to spend looking at anybody's clothes.
LPC: I like some WIW s but have limited patience for blogs that are *only* WIW. There is a self-absorption and occupation with constant buying in those which turns me off. At the same time, I love other blogs that sprinkle WIW into broader issues and experiences, like yours.
Jane W.: It's fun, especially when the women are gifted writers like so many who comment here.
materfamilias: You are fearless in showing your less than perfect aspects, but also delight us with your inventiveness and I especially love your handknits.
Murphy: This encourages me to do a tiny but more, but at heart I am shy. But just got a new camera, a first step.
Otherwise, I find myself commenting on how the wearer seems to be feeling as a result of wearing what she's wearing. (If, of course, she's left her head on in the photo!)
And that scarf is gorgeous, so beautiful on you. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
Projects like Visible Monday are attempt to create cultural change through the collaboration of many individuals, but there is something about the project that contains an off note for me. Their promotion of "visibility" is a little too close to narcissism for me, I don't need to raise my game further there!
Rubi: Yes, "if she asks" is the guideline. I still think some WIW is about our need for approval and attention and I don't mean that in a creepy way- it's a universal need though some have it to a higher degree than others.
Susan: Those are the kind I enjoy too.
C.
I love fashion/style blogs for their diversity of ideas and images of real women.
Some of us work in suburban workplaces where the fashion role models are few and far between. These fashion blogs and WIW are a godsend for those of us in our 50s who want our look to be polished and individual.
Anyhoo, I don't think I'd ever post photos of myself, so I don't demand that you do! :)
When I want advice I have asked for it, but mostly I post WIW posts just to share something. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes not. Sometimes my musings seem to get self-defensive and I look back at them and cringe. Oh well. We all have days like that. I still really hate seeing photographs of myself but posting them and maintaining my rather unfocused online musings has also helped me a great deal, in myriad ways. I've never really thought about as it as trying to get anyone to look at me, or to copy me, or even to inspire anyone even though I am often inspired by other people's outfits. I think they also help us to see the person behind the words, and therefore make more of a connection.
Anyway, the scarf is gorgeous with such rich colors! Thank you for sharing it with us, and how perfectly it seems to belong to you in the profile picture. Two different photos, to very different effect. Perhaps we as people are just programmed to want to see other people, that are references are more social than abstract.
I appreciate yours so much because of it's variety, but, I would like to see sometimes what you wore.
The scarf's colours are very exquisite!
barbara: Thanks! I'll show my choices occasionally, but since it is mostly a uniform, not all that interesting. Also, we once had a home invasion. It was scary. I think it reinforced my desire for privacy, which I equate with safety.
Choices would be fine to see.
I like the idea of wearing a uniform which for me means environ the same as for you: well fitting pants, cashmere jumper and nice booties.
And, of course a scarf ravissant.
Anonymous: Thank you; it is a soft, light wool.