Sex, intimacy and aging: Elders' advice
Last summer I was privileged to sit in a circle of elderly woman as they discussed sex and aging.They ranged from early 70s to 80. Each enjoyed good to excellent health, and most were married (some to second husbands). One woman was gay. One woman had been widowed in her 40s, and was now in a new, tentative relationship.
Their advice was, "Pay attention to your love life". The majority were with partners who had health issues that made intimacy sporadic, limited or not possible. I was struck by the tenderness with which they reminisced, recalling passion and its physical and emotional gifts.
Rather like those of us in our 50s and 60s who wished we'd worn our bikini more often, they wished they'd taken more time to enjoy the pleasure and bonding of lovemaking before aging diminished desire or ability.I asked one of the eldest if she and her husband at least cuddled. "My husband is an all-or-nothing kind of guy", she said ruefully.
I appreciated their reminder that one's intimate life is vulnerable to the challenges of aging. Like the decline of physical ability, I couldn't quite imagine losing what I had taken for granted.
"I'm glad we had those wonderful nights when the children were asleep and we would dance and dance and finally dance to the bedroom", one of the oldest said to me, "because the memory of it keeps me close to him now."
Comments
Problems with desire automatically leading to reliable mechanics can occur as early as middle age (or earlier, for reasons of illness or other circumstances) and it is very sad that people can't find ways of remaining intimate until they die, as long as they want to and are still interested in one another.
(and from what I've read, "using it" is a way to prevent "losing it", especially for women . . . and that's all I'm sayin')
This could be a great thing.
metscan: I'm encouraged by this and will see if I can find out more.
materfamilias: The woman who had been widowed had to have gynecological surgery to be functional again. She said that no one told her this could happen and if she had known, could have prevented it.
Belle: Yes, it could ;) In this group, they were still quite interested while at the same time acknowledging the changes brought by aging.
I think it's wonderful you wrote it. Some more fainthearted might not have. Bravo for you.
Thank goodness there are so many ways to be intimate. We must never lose sight of that.
Since you have no "follower" gadget, up you go on my list of favorites (I would have done both, but can't). I admire your esprit enormously.
I like the idea you're 5'10'' as well. . .
You're a credit to our age.
Merci.
Tish
Sexual health is relevant for women of 50+, whether we have a current partner(s) or not.
This is something I haven't heard of. What happens if you don't use it and what is done during the surgery?
Thank you for being my GPS, which I think I'll ask Santa to deliver this year. I never know where I'm going in a car either.
Definitely something to think about over the weekend whilst cooking next week's meals (for 5 adult apetites) in advance, doing the weekly food shop, walking and brushing the dogs, cleaning the kitchen, putting out the rubbish, doing the laundry, catching up on paperwork and e-mails, careing for my mother-in-law (with dementia), washing my hair and generally giving myself a weekly overhaul!
I guess late middle age, before the children leave home and whilst parents are ageing and needing attention, is not the perfect time for considering any shortfalls in one's sex life!... I'm just grateful I can laugh about it with my husband...
I'm here via Materfamilias and wanted to say that I am very intrigued with this post. I have been working as a provider for seniors for the last 15 years. I can tell you that they crave intimacy just as much as the rest of us.