Cheer, complaint and seasonal affect
I recently commented on someone's blog, "As with any life situation with which you are not in accord, your choices are to leave it, change it or accept it."
This is a paraphrase of Maya Angleou's quote, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
Ever since I read Will Bowen's "A Complaint-Free World", I decided to stop complaining, a behavioural shift which does not remove discernment or problem-solving, just whining and carping.
Bowen quotes Eckhard Tolle to make the distinction:
“Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and needs to be heated up – if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. ‘How dare you serve me cold soup…?’ That’s complaining.”
I decided to take on the Great Canadian Whine-a-Thon, AKA "Can You Believe this Weather We're Having?", most recently applied to the cool, rainy summer to date. A Globe and Mail columnist wrote on Canada Day (July 1) that he was always depressed on that holiday because it meant the "end of summer was approaching."
My view is that there are two full, verdant months left, plus a nice dividend in September, if you ignore a few falling leaves.
I practiced last winter, too, during five months of every snow/slush/sleet combo known to a cloud. Once weaned off the drug of complaint, my mood improved, my activity level rose; I no longer patrolled my psyche for the predations of Seasonal Affective Disorder.
To keep the complaint-free spirit perking, I like to sing Ian Drury's "Reasons to Be Cheerful, Part 3", any verse, but my favourites are,
A bit of grin and bear it, a bit of come and share it
You're welcome, we can spare it, yellow socks
Too short to be haughty, too nutty to be naughty
Going on forty, no electric shocks
The juice of the carrot, the smile of a parrot
A little drop of claret - anything that rocks
Elvis and Scotty, the days when I ain't spotty,
Sitting on the potty, curing smallpox...
I backslide sometimes, carping about people who bellow into phones in restaurants or my son's late rising when he needs to look for a job.
Then I return to Bowen's counsel: to make steps toward change, or accept things as they are.
Instead of playing cards or free hearing tests, I wish that retirement associations would send this little book to all perspective members.
This is a paraphrase of Maya Angleou's quote, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." Ever since I read Will Bowen's "A Complaint-Free World", I decided to stop complaining, a behavioural shift which does not remove discernment or problem-solving, just whining and carping.
Bowen quotes Eckhard Tolle to make the distinction:
“Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and needs to be heated up – if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. ‘How dare you serve me cold soup…?’ That’s complaining.”
I decided to take on the Great Canadian Whine-a-Thon, AKA "Can You Believe this Weather We're Having?", most recently applied to the cool, rainy summer to date. A Globe and Mail columnist wrote on Canada Day (July 1) that he was always depressed on that holiday because it meant the "end of summer was approaching."
My view is that there are two full, verdant months left, plus a nice dividend in September, if you ignore a few falling leaves.
I practiced last winter, too, during five months of every snow/slush/sleet combo known to a cloud. Once weaned off the drug of complaint, my mood improved, my activity level rose; I no longer patrolled my psyche for the predations of Seasonal Affective Disorder.
To keep the complaint-free spirit perking, I like to sing Ian Drury's "Reasons to Be Cheerful, Part 3", any verse, but my favourites are,A bit of grin and bear it, a bit of come and share it
You're welcome, we can spare it, yellow socks
Too short to be haughty, too nutty to be naughty
Going on forty, no electric shocks
The juice of the carrot, the smile of a parrot
A little drop of claret - anything that rocks
Elvis and Scotty, the days when I ain't spotty,
Sitting on the potty, curing smallpox...
I backslide sometimes, carping about people who bellow into phones in restaurants or my son's late rising when he needs to look for a job.
Then I return to Bowen's counsel: to make steps toward change, or accept things as they are.
Instead of playing cards or free hearing tests, I wish that retirement associations would send this little book to all perspective members.
Comments
Back in my twenties, I was exposed to the idea that thoughts become self-perpetuating and will manifest results, and that we ultimately control our own thoughts. That doesn't mean we can control everything that happens in life, but it does mean that we can control how we deal with it. Understanding this and putting it into practice really changed my life. I still complain too much sometimes, but try to catch myself and stop, and don't have much tolerance for those who complain endlessly when there are outlets available to them.
metscan: I wonder if those of us in northern countries,with such short, precious summers, are prone to this.
Pseu: I'm increasingly impatient with chronic complainers, and try to to ask them 'what would you like to DO about that"?
Your lack of complaining is one of the marvellous, astonishing things I love about you. I fight negativity all the time having been well trained in fault finding. I wish I were as good at the cheerful word as you and sometimes I just need someone to say "poor baby".
I love your attitude, Duchesse. We can't change the weather, but we can certainly find ways to actually each season.
LOVE what you're expressing here.
lylah
I know what you mean about negative people, but I don't find complaining necessarily makes one a grump. And how can any sane person NOT complain about our horrific winters?
I have met refugees from war zones such as Salvador, who are very grateful to be here but who still get utterly miserable during our endless winters. Isn't that physiological? Not just forlorn Aboriginal communities or beaten-down Russians are sad in the winter, so are well-fed Swedes and Norwegians.
You have to complain with a laugh, and commiserating, as a form of solidarity. Not make others feel miserable. Subtle distinction.
Although the darkness is dreary, I love the cooler summer weather, and I found that the winter wasn't so bad once I stopped thinking it was terrible.
lagatta: An art only to the 'artist'; I'm quite bored by others' whinging.