Uneven Aging: Using to 'stay in the game'
Trish called from her Mexican winter rental. I expected to hear about Beatles Night at the beach bar, mah-jongg, and the latest birthday party. But instead, she was teary and shaky.
Instead of hello, she wailed, "Nobody loves me!" Trish is a widow in her late sixties who has two replaced knees that are still not sports-worthy. Her "unevenness" is evident with her circle of zestful retirees. They are truly fond of Tish; she has an open invitation to their round of parties and pastimes.
Her beloved mah jongg takes place at a waterfront palapa. This season, Tish found she could not manage the steep hike to and from her mountaintop condo; the knee replacements delivered less than ideal results.
I suggested a possible solution: Her landlord owns several buildings; how about asking if another apartment might be available? She was in luck; he was able to swap her ocean-view aerie for a unit at the base of the mountain. She called several weeks later to say she was much happier in the new digs: steps from the market, an easy, level stroll to her games, better kitchen.
Why had she not thought of this? Because Tish was not thinking straight. After her husband died five years ago, she ramped up occasional cannabis use to an everyday habit. (Sidebar: Please do not describe yourself as "sober" if you don't drink alcohol but your blunts can be seen from an arial photograph.)
Over the past three years, I have noticed her problem-solving skills take, pun intended, a hit. She was a no-show for dates, spacey in conversation, and unable to organize simple projects. She stopped reading anything substantial, defaulting to action movies. I'm not saying a daily, prodigious pot habit makes you dumb, but it sure doesn't make you interesting.
Tish goes to the pot shop and says, "Give me the strongest you've got." And, she is mixing that with other medication. Family doctors are not much help; the ones I have spoken with say they have received scant education about cannabis interaction with prescription and over-the-counter meds.
But credit where it's due. Joe finds a joint soothes the nausea he has after chemo, Marilyn uses THC tincture for leg cramps. Lena says that her special chocolate makes her more relaxed and responsive with her new lover. Plenty of elders, if my morning walks are a representative sample, are partaking for their own reasons, at 8 freaking a.m.
Tish, though, is not using situationally, or should I say, everything is a situation. Dinner with a son's boring in-laws coming up? Neighbour's dog barking on the balcony? Time to kill before a meeting with the accountant? Get stoned. She also uses it to handle emotions; she is so envious watching her winter gang play pickleball that she pops a gummy before showing up.
If I could accompany Tish as she watches courtside, I'd say, "Let's go for a walk and meet everybody after." Once she smells the bougainvillia instead of the smoke, I bet she would feel better. Too much escape is not an escape, you just walk into another cell.
(Names were changed for this post.)
Holiday Break
Warm wishes for a delightful holiday season!
Comments
Thanks for this!
Wishing you and yours a lovely holiday season.
Wishing you a well-deserved break and happy holidays!
Another reason for healthy food and daily exercise.
In a state where pot is criminalized (unless it’s weak ineffective oil) & painkillers are restricted for almost all but the dying, I’m ready to take a roadtrip.
I think it would be a great way to deal w/ chronic pain. It may make me boring to others, but from long-past experience it woukd make me immensely entertaining to myself, & more importantly, in less daily, wearing, life-sapping pain.
Mary: The hype around cannabis products for whatever ailment is intense but there is IMO another force at work: the spotty access to health care and the lack of support, whether physical or mental, for the aged. No rx needed for cannabis is a big, big draw.
Wendy: In this country, giving a person a psychoactive substance without their knowledge or consent is a crime. Tish says she was depressed when her husband died. She now depends on her friend circle for companionship and stimulation, so when her ability to participate to the level she •thinks they expect* is hampered, then she becomes depressed again. But the first was a situational, wholly-expected depression and this one is caused by her self-judgement about being unworthy.
Anon@ 7:11: Exercise and a healthy diet are very good strategies for prevention. However, I understand trying to relieve the pain of chronic conditions that come with ageing. As I said to Wendy, our present system is crowded with ageing persons and it's no wonder that they try to self-medicate. Some of them figure out how to apply the analgesic properties of cannabis and others are far less adept or responsible. I would like to see primary care health providers become skilled in assessing which cannabis products can help and at what dosage.
Tish stocks up on edibles (they look like granola bars) before she leaves and has visiting family bring more. When I expressed alarm, she said, "The Mexicans don't search a Canadian grandmother." Once there she buys leaf, from the same person for about 3 years. (There is a network among expat residents, she is not buying off the street.)
If you take a road trip into Canada, when you return to the US, don't carry unless you are willing to face the penalty if caught. The signs advising travellers against importing cannabis products are posted at every crossing.
You may be able now, or soon, to be prescribed medicinal cannabis for chronic pain. See this NIH article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK574562/
Chart of current situation by state as of this Dec. 2022: https://cfah.org/marijuana-legality-by-state/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-zxBNz3XbM
Maybe someone will write the definitive "Senior's Helper" song. That could have been John Prine but he's gone now.
Joyous holidays to you and fellow followers
I saw the uptake in alcohol use among some in my parent's generation when they retired, and now mine has cannabis added to to the menu. Despite what the movies show, alcohol is not a good analgesic. As reported in the paper I referred to in my comment to OCD, preliminary studies re cannabis' effects on pain suggest it is most effective at the moderate to mild level.
Psychic suffering (e.g., loss, loneliness, and the ego's discomfort at no longer being "relevant") is better-addressed by endorphins delivered via exercise (which need not be strenuous), a spiritual practice, and acts of service.
Boredomis another under-acknowledged factor that can lead to dependence, as a lot of people found out during the Covid lockdowns.
Here in the UK cannabis is not generally legally available, but can be prescribed for certain medical conditions (such as MS) where the doctor considers it appropriate. This has to be a consultant physician - ordinary family doctors can't prescribed it. Overall, it's rare here for people to be prescribed it.
British doctors are also very conservative in their prescribing of analgesics. Many types of pain-relief prescribed in North America are not available at all here, or are only licenced for end of life care.
The upshot of all this is that most people here use relatively mild over-the-counter painkillers, if they use anything. There have been several academic reports recently that seem to support the idea that analgesics don't really make any meaningful impact on chronic back pain, which I've found very interesting.
So we come to 'self- medication'. We need to be absolutely honest with ourselves on this, I think. Cannabis, alcohol, etc do not stop pain when we use them: they simply make us mind less about it.
Sometimes, that's fine and it's what we want. Other times, it can lead to an unhealthy spiral and I know people who've found themselves heading that way (usually, with drink). One has to be vigilant...
For me, (and everyone is different) the only way I can successfully deal with pain on a bad day is to find a really effective distraction. Lunch with a friend who knows how to make me laugh, turning out the junk drawer that's been driving me nuts, a really good radio play on the BBC Sounds app.
I also generally avoid talking about the pain, because that seems to give it an even bigger role in my life than it deserves. I know that some people would disagree, and perhaps find it therapeutic to talk about it, but that's not for me.
I had a redoubtable great aunt who, whenever anyone mentioned illness, pain or medical procedures would fix them with a steely look and say "the great thing, dear, is not to talk about it". Wrong on a number of levels to our modern ears, but perhaps not altogether useless advice for some ;)
Your main point, though, is how we deal with pain. There are two levels of attitudes involved, the individual and societal. Your great-aunt is an exemplar of "suffer in silence:", many of my age cohort are far less stoic. There has to be a middle ground, because pain erodes a person's ability to not only enjoy life, but to contribute to relationships.
Much darker than Tish's story is that of several friends and family of friends, all over age 60, who became addicted to prescription pain medications. Each got off them, but it was a struggle. I wonder if in Tish's case, she chose what she thinks of as a natural, non-addictive analgesic.
I worked for many years in the geriatric medicine floor of a large hospital. Alcohol was the drug of choice amongst our (mostly female patients) we got some interesting ‘ cocktail’ suggestions from patients…rye and chocolate milk,egg nog flavoured Ensure and rum, coffee and Bailey’s. Alcohol was an acceptable ‘soother’ especially in a sweet drink although white wine was popular. Sadly many came to hospital because of injuries incurred while imbibing. I worked there for thirty five years so saw the passing of teetotaler’s of my grandmother’s generation to the ‘great generation’ of my parents who enjoyed their alcohol.
I think that the aging boomers will lean more heavily on cannabis to self sooth as it has been part of their culture growing up and hey, it’s legal in Canada! You are right though in saying that just because one abstains from alcohol it does not give them the right to fly the sober flag if they indulge in cannabis, hashish or mushrooms in any form.