Dated or dowdy? Skirting the issue
My blogfriend Mardel of restingmotion recently asked of a coat she's owned for awhile: is it dowdy? Commenters replied that it fit her beautifully, and advised her to wear what she likes. One said, "If I feel confident and good about it, then it works."
Oh, could I relate to her doubt!
I recently discarded a number of lower calf-length skirts after an Uh-Oh Moment: What once looked current had morphed into dated and dowdy, from one season to the next. I thought I looked like a woman who feeds pigeons out of her handbag, and no amount of self-talk changed that.
I recently discarded a number of lower calf-length skirts after an Uh-Oh Moment: What once looked current had morphed into dated and dowdy, from one season to the next. I thought I looked like a woman who feeds pigeons out of her handbag, and no amount of self-talk changed that.
 |
| Twinset by Brora |
Dowdiness is in the eye of the beholder. Cashmere twinsets: dowdy to some, chic to others. For me, dowdy summons piecrust-collar blouses and white leather heels.
Dated is a related issue. The style arc moves inexorably from an edgy start, traverses widely-worn and ends at fizzled: the party's over and your outfit is the crumpled napkin clinging to an empty glass.
And sister, is there anything worse than double D's: dated and dowdy?
Clues to dated clothes:
 |
| So out they're in? |
1. The item is conspicuously absent in better stores. You'll always find a blanket-wrap skirt somewhere, but not at Bergdorf's. My long skirts are offered as summer vacation wear, but the winter version is rare as a nun in stilettos. Three to six inches shorter–depending on one's height– is the 'new long'.
The odd piece might appear in ironic reissue, like these Vanessa Bruno Athé pegged pants, deeply on sale on Net-a-porter. If you can find it only with difficulty, via prowling consignment or eBay, time to move on.
 |
| Cutie in mink stole |
2. The item is worn by a generation younger, to the opposite effect.
Knee socks, charming under a jeune fille's short skirt, look dated on a 55 year old. Mink stoles: snapped up in friperies by 20-somethings, not stylish on their grans.
Maybe clothes should come with expiry dates, like your passport. Whether it's appliqued denim, dirndls, severe power suits or any number of jean effects, there comes a time–as it had with my skirts.
 |
| Brooks Brothers classic |
3. You feel defensive about your "timeless", "classic" wardrobe.
"Timeless" is a myth. One could try, living in Brooks Brothers, never much different as the decades roll by. But even classics need refreshing; cuts are updated, details tweaked. (Shown, Brooks Brothers blazer, $348.)
Amanda Wakeley's silk crepe shirt dress has classic references but is totally of the moment, ideal for a spring wedding; price $695 from Net-a-porter.
 |
| Amanda Wakeley rose silk dress |
When I admire women in their 70s and 80s, I'm impressed by how good they look in a current coat.
Not the wool with the little mink collar of twenty-five years ago, not the nylon with tapestry inserts from the '90s. If they choose a modern piece, like the MaxMara example below, they look energetic and appealing.
 |
| From MaxMara's 2010 collection |
So that I don't care if it's not in style, I'll wear it anyway attitude? I respect that stance and raise you one: Those of us 50+ look even better in clothes that are current within a half-decade or less, excepting fine vintage pieces, ever-trickier to pull off.
Ever had that Uh-Oh Moment? What's past its best-by date for you?
Comments
They look great on me still but at my age, 62, they don't make any sense, even though I'm very short and keep getting told I'm "cute, just like that mom on the 70's show." ugh.
I like your word "energetic" - it's the main thing I look for in clothing. I like feeling agile, ready, alert, aware...energetic!
Teresa
I once noted that I don't want to dress to look *younger* but rather *current* and you've illustrated and elaborated on that point beautifully here.
Dowdy is so scary for me...I try to stay far away from that look...it really helps that there are so many great blogs and magazines which showcase fabulous images for women 50+...
thank you for keeping us fresh and current...
My sending strategy has been to put most of my clothing budget on current shapes that look good on my and then wear them often. My MaxMara coat is a good example; it's not timeless, but it's current, it's beautiful, it's versatile---and in 5 to 7 years when it's no longer current I will have more than gotten my money's worth from it.
Another important place to spend a bit more is on footwear. My "timeless" 14 year old Chelsea boots had to go because the heels were looking clunky. They were replaced by a gorgeous pair of minimalist styled black booties from J.Crew. These are worn at least 3 times a week.
One item I have that I have to be extra careful with is my Hermes Kelly. The younglings are now carrying them with irony. I have to very careful when I carry this bag that I'm not channeling....well you can picture the look. So the Kelly is only worn now days with the most current pieces like said coat and boots; otherwise it's taking a break.
Now that our closets are lean and we own only what looks good, fits and we enjoy wearing often, I would think there is not much in them that can be pulled out and questioned "is this still in style"?! :)
If asked the question, I realize that, while I can scroll through a "what's in" checklist and hit all the marks (e.g. lapel size-check; color-check; length-check,etc.) it is my "eye" that has changed. And it (whatever the item is) just looks
wrong.
Somewhere in there is also a resentment that once I have found something that I really like and enjoy wearing, I am expected to get rid of it after an arbitrary period and replace it with something that is both expensive and less initially appealing, albeit new. My frugal instincts rebel at wasting something that is still perfectly good because somebody (who, really?) recognizes that it is old - why is old bad? And what's good about needless consumption, when the money could be put to better use?
But I do see your point - my mother's lovely mink stole looked stupid on me, but great on my 26-year-old daughter, who can wear it with retro sass. (Alas, nobody looks good in mom's three-quarter length sleeve mink coat in "autumn haze" and I can't even get the local repertory theatre company to take it off my hands.)
What I want is to reach an age where I can't look dowdy, because I'm not trying to achieve something I can't achieve. Is this a matter of changing my perspective, or the world's perspective, or both?
The pink dress is just fantastic.
I have long thought that there is really no such thing as classic, even in menswear. A colleague treated himself to all new suits about three years ago, and now the high stances on those four button jackets look completely dated. (He pointed this out to me so I don't think I'm being mean repeating it.)
I couldn't possibly afford a new Max Mara/Marina Rinaldi coat, so my only chance of getting one is turning up a second-hand one and working with it. The detailing on those coats is simply amazing. And nobody is taking away my Josef Seibel Mary Janes (with two straps) that are simply my most comfy and favourite walking shoes. Though they have only been worn with dark tights and leggings.
I agree with the elegance is refusal idea, and am doing what I can to avoid becoming the wacky craftsy-waftsy artsy-fartsy lady, but I guess part of working in the arts is finding ways to use what we have and can find in ways not to look dated, dowdy or tragic.
I don't think I've had the "dowdy encounter" with myself yet -- maybe because I dress so simply, or is that predictably? Or maybe because my body shape/size is basically the same now (closing in on 50) as it was 10 years ago. I think that can be a contributing factor, when there's an increase. Since I've always been big, I'm used of it, as we say around here.
It also made me look up The Devils Dictionary for this quote from Ambrose Bierce:
Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
Can we discuss WHERE we should shop? I know we all live in different places, but have access to many of the same stores. I took a look at the latest Talbots catalog---way too many ruffles and frippery. I honestly could not find a single suitable item.
It is important to note the differences, of course, in trend and the larger arcs of fashion silhouettes. The extreme pegged trousers (jeggings?!) and nipped-in ankles never even worked on me when I was 115 lbs at a spritely 16. I always look for the most au courant palazzo or wider leg style with a low profile waistband in trousers. It's an easy part of the uniform that lets me play with the other elements and one that usually shows up in the higher end designers somewhere - one every couple of seasons more than suffices if it's truly beautiful and flattering.
Matronly, when one is short and busty. Horrid word.
Susan: I have those, which I wear at resorts, and like them still on other women but I must admit to myself they are more current shortened to just at or below the knee.
Teresa: Well put; I think the sweet spot is to really wear your clothes so they return value for the time they are current.
Pseu: That's a great example. One day they just kind of lose their "zip" on one, and they may have looked great for years.
Murphy: Your point is intriguing, about younger or older, but not on you. Ten years is a pretty good run and if we do not buy too much, I think we should declare victory and move on.
Jane W: Oh, LOL! It's as if a different person is suddenly in the mirror.
hostess: Now beginning to think it is b/t 5 and 7 years for the more conservative jacket or pant and maybe 3-4 years for more 'fashion' stuff. But see below... an imprecise guesstimate.
laurieann: You have some *superb* pieces and I would only like to have the problem of "what to wear with my Kelly." My Parisienne GF with one wears hers with a soft padded parka, narrow black jeans and little booties, never too 'lady'.
Fuji: We do have different comfort levels but as materfamilias points out if we have daughters (or friendly young women) they can help us. (But some are too trend-led.)
Frugal: One day it slips from conservatively current to passé but there is usually some kind of graceful skirt that subs in.
Anonymmous: Yet one still sees a lot of menswear blazers. But on me, like you, no longer.
Demi-pointe: Full disclosure, have closet in my son's room full of things that must purge. But day to day is fine.
Marsha: Whoa! It's not "an arbitrary period." No one told ME my skirts looked dated. It was my call. I have sweaters I bought 20+ years ago and still wear (Sonia Rykiel). To each her own, but one can hang on to a look too long.
I *am* "trying to achieve something": looking like a person who is not a slave to fashion (I detest trends) but who's engaged with the world- and vice versa.
Terri:: Time and again when I shortened a long skirt the proportion was wrong or I lost a detail. I now believe it's best to sell or donate it.
LPC: Maybe it was size or cut of your cardi? V-cardis are quite alluring.
materfamiias: They can transcend aesthetically but still look dated. At that point they are perfect for the young ironic dresser. Like you, many of my clothes are 6, 7, 8 years old but there comes a time when the tried and true no longer works, same as a hairstyle.
lagatta: Good clothes usually stay current and look better longer; secondhand, some look unworn.
Anonymous $ 5:15; That's it exactly, especially if some months pass, you put it on and it's not that you're bored, it's just over.
And I dislike being told what I *must* have for this season!
rb: Yes; but women who say that (and are over 50) are usually not wearing retro, they are wearing (for instance) a denim jumper.
I wish more men paid attention to the cut of their suits, not necessarily in terms of most "in", but fit.
Rubi: Oh, dowdy slut, if only I could draw, what a great cartoon!
HB: We are so alike. Those are the skirts I got rid of. I am now saying "a decade is a superb run" and releasing guilt.
Murphy: There is quality of "being of the times"- not cutting edge, not trendy, but current, that is important once we pass 50, no matter how much 'tude we muster. Confidence is necessary but not sufficient.
lagatta: HRH is dressing better now than ever. She was dressed beyond her age but has grown into her attire. And the jewels!
All: The danger of sticking with your "favourites" is that at 50+ (and certainly by 70) this will not be read as ironic, you get the "cute senior" label. Arrgh!
All: Links may not be current by the time you read this post; items on online vendors' sites come and go by the day.
I supposed once it's faded into the out-of-style category you can don it to get the newspaper off the front walk.
I think an easy expiration date measure is if it's a major wardrobe item -skirt,pants,jacket- and more than 5 years old, it's suspect.
I once read a great piece of advice for tourists visiting Paris: dress in neutrals, nothing over 2 years old, and no running shoes. (Applied to any sex and age, and you can build from there.)
I hope to get 5 years, 6-7 is great and have a couple 20+ year old cashmere turtlenecks that look good, if not au courant.
Interestingly enough, many of the posters seem to feel that youth can pull off most anything. Youth does have its own beauty, but I knew some dowdy teenagers back in the day. Myself, I lean more towards good posture, a trim figure and to quote Edith Head, "a wide set of shoulders".
And aren't there those that can pull off that navy blazer, cream gabardine trousers and a silk blouse with panache? Add some aligator pumps and a hermes scarf...dowdy? I've been looking lately to Lauren Hutton and Ali MacGraw for some inspiration. Stylish but neither dowdy nor trendy.
Ali and Lauren are in 2-4% of the female population in their age bracket, exemplars of maintenance (and probably intervention).
We boomers think we'll be climbing Everest and brushing our thick locks on the summit at 80. Good, if that keeps us active. And IMO not likely for most.
So, the question is how to feel and look as energetic as we can, whether we have hip replacements, bone loss or simply cannot remember where we put our lipstick.
I think your rules are good, and even for those who don't care about fashion, there is a point where you have to be true to yourself but also adapt to the world or you look like some modern version of the "crazy lady in the old house". And none of us, no matter how much we pay lip service to the "I don't care" mantra, wants to disappear into the background or feel irrelevant.
I'm still trying to find that sweet spot, mixing the semi-old with the new, trying to find and wear what looks good now and wear it as much as possible. We all change, bodies, the world, our perceptions of our place in it. I think it is the idea that anything is timeless that is dated and dowdy.
I used to use what was in Bergdorf's as my yardstick as I was in NY a lot, but recently I have been out of touch with the world except through magazines and blogs and I find it is much more difficult to edit. That and even though I am near NYC, the styles here run several years behind, so I can see that the interpretation might vary according to locale. There are things that are just apart, too unusual, but they must fit the style of the wearer. And I am increasingly bored with irony in dress; it only works on the very very young, and then I suspect most people don't get it anyway so it requires a rather thick skin.
The trick seems to be that we each have trouble finding that line, it sneaks up on us and catches us by surprise. But I agree that when you feel it, it is time for a change. Being involved and in touch with the world requires more than just keeping up with the news
One of my friends had a most elegant, stylish father. Harry used to say, "The problem with older people is that they do not buy new- looking clothes". Now, at 62, I am older, or approaching that, and think of him often. New-looking is of course different from trendy.
Since I lived for many years with the locked-down irony teens affect (though they were deeply sweet at the core) I'm over admiring irony in clothing.
Maybe a new blouse for her next birthday?