Duchesse breaks bad

I was given a marijuana-laced cookie last summer as a ribald birthday gift. Stuck it in the freezer, forgot about it till recently.

In the spirit of experimentation, I decided to eat it when Le Duc and I settled in to watch "Breaking Bad" on DVD.

Perhaps it was Walter White's adventures on the dark side that instigated my desire to do something slightly transgressive. (Our house has hosted its share of pot-smokers, but I don't smoke anything, and my last experience eating it went back four decades.) 

Cute little SkorBa
r cookie, what harm could it do? I nibbled half (best be on the safe side) and settled in to watch Walt battle disease and deceit.

In less than an hour, the walls glowed, the sound boomed and swooped–and we were watching on a laptop. Uh oh.

I cast my mind back and realized I was stratospherically high. When I informed Le Duc, he said, "Really? You'll be OK in a little while, but right now you just need to distract yourself. I'll go downstairs and download some of those Anthony Bourdain shows you like." ("No Reservations", how ironic.)

I lay there, waiting– he did not. Not. Not. Return. Oh my God, I thought, he's gone out and I'm stuck here in this state
! My paranoia spun dire scenarios while the walls hulaed. Where is he, where is he...what's in this cookie, maybe it's laced with something else?

I couldn't read, couldn't walk to the bathroom and kept reciting my address, just in case. (I didn't know what case, but it seemed wise.)

The hours seemed to drag. Whom should I call when I can't even speak

In fact, six minutes had elapsed.

The cookie wore off gradually while an ecstatic Bourdain lay merry waste to mounds of Brittany's glorious seafood, lacy crepes, buttery pastries. 

Unlike this chef who eats anything and never gets sick, the cookie and dinner ended up in the toilet.

Breaking bad, not so good. I've returned to my drug of choice, Lindt Fleur de Sel chocolate bars.


I dunno if we should be cueing "Bad Girls" or "Touch of Grey" for ageing hippiedom, but some years ago a friend who is living with AIDS and legally uses THC gave me a wee hash cookie as a present for taking care of his cat. Those things never affected me at all, and like you I don't smoke ANYTHING (my dad died of lung cancer when I was a teen) but after some time I got very high indeed - I've never taken any hard drugs, though alas they were around at a communications department where I was working - oh, those bad boy (and girl) journalists and other media types...

I don't think it is just because we are older than we were way back when - there is also a lot more THC in contemporary marijuana products.

At least the effects of espresso and of a good red wine are predictable (as are the effects of abuse). I travel to Amsterdam fairly often for work, and am not in the least tempted to have a "space cookie" at a coffeeshop. (Coffeeshops are for marijuana; places with good coffee and other drinks are called cafés in the Netherlands).

By the way, the police on their beat pass by young people sharing a joint and don't even bother them around here. They are concerned about far stronger stuff. The friend is still alive by the way, though I have lost two other friends to AIDS in recent years; there is still no cure.
Susan B said…
The problem with ingesting marjuana instead of smoking is that it takes much more time to feel the effects and guage when you've had enough. (Full disclosure: I used to occasionally smoke pot with friends, and haven't in probably 15 years, more due to lack of opportunity than any decision. I mostly liked it, and usually it mellowed me out and slowed down my usually racing mind.) When you smoke, you feel the high almost immediately, and it's easier to manage. The one time I tried laced brownies, I found that the high builds and lasts for quite a long while, while with smoking it can be over in an hour.

Sorry you had such a bum trip!
Anonymous said…
Lol, one of my favorite posts!
Susan said…
Not what I expected to read in your Tuesday post! An interesting experience for sure. It's too bad it wasn't just pleasurable. Thanks for sharing it.
Jean S said…
too wild...and I think Deja Pseu is correct--the ingesting can throw you. A 40-yr-old friend had the same experience w/a laced brownie. Never again, she says.
Duchesse said…
Lagatta: I'd be unlikely to experiment in a strange city, but thought my own house would be OK, ha!

Pseu: That's what my sons told me, too (after laughing). I felt it the next day, too.

Anonymous: Very funny too me now but wish I'd considered the difference in dose from what I remembered.

Susan and Jean S: If I ever try it again, it will be nibble by nibble.
Anonymous said…
LOL, that was funny and brought back a few memories. My first ever hash experience was hash cake in Amsterdam. I lost the power of speech and my friend couldn't walk. I ended up half carrying her back to the hotel while she babbled incoherently all the way and I couldn't even tell her to shut up!. As Pseu says, it is much stronger ingested than smoked - though it sounds as if you might have had a strong dose anyway.
materfamilias said…
well, yes, that paranoia and time distortion effect . . . not making any public admissions but I have some small passing familiarity with this phenom . . . my kids tell me that the paranoia aspect is a deterrent at their age as well (not a complete stop, but a slow-down-and-weigh-the-consequences, I suspect), so it's not just our years . . .
a little sewing said…
Holy moly, that was an unexpected and amusing post! A good warning to those of us who might romanticize the idea:) Not that I would do that, of course ;)
laurieann said…
Hand over the cookies and no one gets hurt. :-) I sure do miss my university days.
Duchesse said…
Alienne: I can just imagine the disorientation; like my experience, funny in hindsight.

materfamilias: The deterrent for my sons seems to be price :)

a little sewing: I estimate fun- maybe even romance- would have been possible on half to a third of what I ate.

laurieann: LOL! Was not hard to find a taker for the other half, and he has been warned.
This is too funny...6 minutes!

I had a similar experience at a party had no clue what I was ingesting...thought it was a regular brownie...and the most surprising thing was that our hosts were well respected millionaires who were international real estate developers in their late 50's.
Go figure...
Rubiatonta said…
I haven't gotten anywhere near THC-containing "goodies" in years, but I enjoyed them in my day. Living in Madrid during "La Movida" years meant lots of hash making the rounds, and a little bit went a long way for me. Like Pseu, I found it took the edge off the hamster-on-a-wheel that was my brain in those days.

I don't know if I'd indulge again, given the chance...then again, nobody's offered in a good long while!
Duchesse said…
hostess: I've heard it's quite popular in certain senior circles, and have a friend who has been careful to avoid it due to his work (he is drug tested) but says on retirement he's looking forward to it!

I also have several friends who have legal (medical) marijuana and it definitely helps their symptoms.

Rubi: In my youth I found it usually put me to sleep! But I would try it again, in a cookie- maybe one day. And of course I will report here.
LPC said…
Not to laugh at your misfortune but that that is hysterical! I haven't not touched the stuff in 25 years. I think I"m probably too fragile in my sense of reality as it is.
Tiffany said…
Oh dear, that made me laugh ... so generous of you to share the story, even if it wasn't a great experience for you. I haven't touched anything in years and you've just reminded me why!
Duchesse said…
LPC: Thought it was funny too, as soon as I barfed, brushed my teeth, and things stopped melting.

Lisa: I wondered who can eat one of these cookies- then told the story to a friend and he told me about finding some in a GFs fridge and eating three of them! ("Man", he said, "I was hungry and they were so good.") He was alone and thought he was going to have a heart attack- he phoned her, she told him what he'd done. He was OK too, eventually.
Beatnheart said…
Thank you for your courage in sharing and encouraging others to have flashbacks! Yes, injesting is just plain bad news! too scary for me, holy cow talk about paranoid, I thought I was losing my mind...no fun what so ever! I prayed for it to be over with!!!
Anonymous said…
Was it really necessary to write about this experience?
Duchesse said…
Anonymous: Necessity is not a valid criterion for any creative endeavour.

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