"Is that real?"
In a recent post about consumption and connoisseurship, I mentioned that I had been asked this by Kristin, a young colleague, about a ring I was wearing. I responded "No", which was not true. (Shown, ruby ring set in platinum from Shreve, $4,950.)I felt disappointed with myself for fibbing, and asked "What's that about?"
On reflection, I had several reasons, not all valid:
1. I was uncomfortable with the question and wanted to end the conversation. I was taught to never ask that, and squirmed under her inquiry.
2. I have said "yes", and then had near-strangers say, "Let me see!" I don't like removing and proffering the item.
3. I was working at this organization on a one-year contract. I had heard Kristin's manager make disparaging remarks about other contractors' clothing or accessories: "We paid for that" and "So that's what she does with her fee". I wanted to avoid the judgments that I imagined she would apply.
A
nyone who wishes to avoid such censure could wear antique or vintage pieces. No one can tell (not that it's her business anyway) if you dropped your paycheque on that Edwardian pearl pendant or if it was Aunt Emily's. (Shown, Edwardian pearl and diamond pendant from Shreve, $3,950.)I fou
nd it odd that in that culture massive engagement rings were ardently admired, but a piece a woman might buy herself was subject to approbation. And no one asked if an engagement ring was real.Le Duc thought I was being condescending by withholding the information, but my actions were solely self-serving. I wanted to fly under the radar.
I have changed. I now say, with a smile, "Real". I have a different vantage point at going on 62.
I also no longer remove my jewelry for inspection. I enjoyed the support I received for this recently. "Becky", her manager "April" and I were taking a Starbucks break.
Becky: Oh, I like your pearls, can I see them?
Me: No, I don't want to take them off just now.
Becky: But I want to play with them!
April (to Becky): What are you, a cat?
For real
14k gold, diamond and sapphire pin, ca. 1940, 1 1/4 inches square, from Aaron Faber, $1,950.
Antique yellow gold and oval shaped moss agate bracelet, ca. 1880 from Firestone and Parson; price on request.
Vintage Cartier diamond-pattern 18k gold articulated bracelet, $3,499 from Dover Jewelry.
Comments
I don't have very much "real" jewelry (yet) but did enjoy a family friend's reaction when I told her that my "diamond" studs that she'd been oohing and aahing over were really from Talbots! At work, I try to keep under the radar with any expensive accessories in general.
"What are you, a cat?" Love it!!!
jennywren: The 'hand display' is not offensive; after all, we are wearing it to be seen, otherwise we'd all wear necklaces under turtlenecks :)
Pseu: Thank you! Could post every day on jewelry!
The person who wanted to see the pearls brought it up again last week, "Remember when I wanted to play with your necklace and you wouldn't take it off?" I said, "Yes, it is very delicate."
The rudest thing going on in your story was the behavior of your colleague's managers. Tsk tsk.
I have seen her recoil in fear and disgust when this has happened in public and by complete strangers!
Thank you, love the vintage gems....I have a few myself, better quality for the money and l love the designs.
But that's it.
Okay that's not entirely true. My daughter loves to try on my jewelry when I take it off at the end of the day. She is allowed to look at herself in a mirror with my jewelry. But I consider that a special case.
I've been inclined to take the same path, playing down that something is real, because the question or questioner does not seem friendly, but I do it less recently.
People can be so rude, and it seems amazing to me that the young woman who wanted to play with your pearls asked again. For shame.
Voila! I have now declared this line to be a true internet classic. I almost lost my coffee down my blouse when I read that.
My answer to people who ask if if something I am wearing is 'real' is to reply, "Why? Does it matter? I wear it because I like it."
My MIL always asks first: Is that new? How much did it cost. I hate this kind of questions and try to change the conversation to something else.
Argh. A close friend of my MIL's *always* does this too, and it makes me nuts. I now make sure not to wear anything new or that could be perceived as expensive around her, because she just will NOT let it drop even if I'm being politely evasive.
hostess: It IS scary when you have never seen the person before. And oh I would love to see those pearls.
LPC: And these are Canadians, who have an image of moderation and reserve- LOL!
spacegeek: Um, women in a large financial services corporation. Typically done over lunch or (I admit) drinks after work: "Oh I love your bracelet, let me see it."
Toby: When I asked "Does it matter?" a 30ish woman said, "Well yes- I want to know if I can spot the real thing" and I said, "Honey, when you're over 50, it's REAL." I am rather infamous for that remark.
mardel: Thanks for your encouragement. I'd love to know what you do choose!
Anon@1:06: Yes, we are not supposed to be rude back... perhaps one could just say "Oh my!" as if presented with a piece of decaying liver?
I sometimes avoid questions by saying, "I don't know, it was a gift." But I'm tired of evasions.
materfamilias: I not only think you should not have to explain yourself (or give price), you don't owe anyone an explanation *period*. I would love to see your impish grin, I'd be tempted to say, "Stole it!"
metscan: Ah, the MIL! That adds an extra layer of discomfort.
Pseu: Let's work out some outrageous answers, you will carry one of your killer bags, try them out, then report back.
Q: Where did you get that?
Pseu: George Clooney wanted to thank me for a sensational weekend.
Q: How much did that cost?
Pseu: You know, I can't remember, the store served us tequila shooters.
or,
Pseu: I have hypnotized myself to forget.
And at a prestige jeweler, the saleswoman asked if she could clean my ring, then placed it on her finger and admired it for a good minute before handing it back to me.
Beautiful jewelry is such a joy. I do think it should be shared with the world, but of course on your own terms. I almost never remove my ring for anyone, and fortunately I'm rarely asked to.
I too would like to know when if became the norm to ask someone if their jewelry was real. That is so uncouth.
Also, for someone to expect that you would take off a piece of jewelry and hand it over for inspection is beyond belief. OK, this is acceptable for very close friends but certainly not for co-workers.
Metscan's comment hit close to home. My MIL, who was mega weathly, used to always ask me if this thing or that thing was new. It was her way of keeping tabs on my spending. I learned to always say "Oh no, I've had this for ages". What is it with other people anyway needing to know when and where you bought something, and how much it cost.
And the George Clooney comment is just classic.
One time at a supermarket in FL, a kind of Suzanne Sommers looking woman said, "Oh can I see that ring?" and I held out my hand. She then said, "Anything on the other hand?"; I said "Just my wedding ring." She then eyed Le Duc with admiration and said, "You keep that one on there". I was floored, and so was he.
Others don't care. As the parent of two young adults, I have witnessed the "If I want to do it, I will" attitude, sometimes under my own roof.
I love that "what are you a cat" retort!
I love that "what are you a cat" retort!