Regifting: Lessons from The Nuge
I invoke the famously blunt language of my Michigan compatriot, Ted Nugent, aka "The Motor City Madman" to capture I think of regifting. As The Nuge would say, regifting "sucks giant amounts of dead penguin d---s".
First, The Nuge would want me to define terms. Regifting is neither giving someone something used, such as a vintage bag, nor giving one of your possessions, like your antique marble bookends, to your friend who loves them. It's passing on a gift you got from someone else, as a gift.
Reasons why a person might regift include:
1. The item is wrong for her, but she figures it might be 'right' for someone else.
It is only right for someone else if it is the identical item she would buy for the recipient, and is in mint condition. Example: She was given a bottle of Lagavulin by a grateful client, but doesn't like scotch– and it's her friend Jay's favourite treat.
2. She is watching her spending.
Fine. She can bake a batch of cookies. (The Nuge would suggest you shoot a mallard, but I'm not behind all his gift ideas. Picking buckshot out of your dinner is no fun.) Or she could give her time or skills.
3. She has no idea what to give you, and short of time or energy, wraps up something on hand.
Come on, that's why they invented express shipping.
4. She does not really want to give a gift, a ritual which embodies celebration, affection, respect, and gratitude, especially gratitude.
Insincerity is the mother of regifting. In these moments, she might reflect on why she has accepted the invitation or maintained this relationship.
OK, there are frickin' exceptions
You could regift if the item is exactly what you would buy for the person anyway. But let's face it, most regifts are those dumb (OK, Ted, dumbass) candles-and-paper napkin sets that people bring as hostess gifts, bland, bitsy department store earrings or a remaindered science fiction novel received at an office gift exchange.
Someone (I'm not saying it's Ted, but I'm not saying it's not) would regift something so awful it's clearly a joke. So, he says, wrap up that rockin' tee shirt you got from your brother and hope your mother in law laughs till she spews.
Why regifting riles me
Ted says, "If you don't crush evil, then evil will get you."
I may have been fooled a time or two, but 90% of the time I can spot a regift. I once observed a museum gift store appointment book given three times before it passed from my circle of acquaintances.
The regift represents obligation rather than celebration. LPC, on her blog Privilege, writes that her father once received four pairs of sheepskin slippers from his children. But at least they knew what he liked.
The regift reveals that the giver paid cursory to zero attention to the receiver. The driving thought of the giver is, "On whom can I offload this gradoo?" Regifting negates the attentional aspect of gift-giving.
And therefore, the gift has as much chance of delighting the receiver as The Nuge has of turning vegan.
As Ted says, "There is no bag limit on happiness." How much happiness is in a regift of "The Last Lecture", complete with the business card of the giver's insurance agent, which he forgot to remove?
Finally, before I get comments apprising me of The Nuge's politics and attitudes, I know his scene. (He was once the boy who hung out at Mom's best friend Sue's house.) Ted's views are not, in any respect other than the regifting issue, endorsed by this blogger.
Tomorrow's post, the last till Jan. 4, supplies a useful last-minute gift idea.
First, The Nuge would want me to define terms. Regifting is neither giving someone something used, such as a vintage bag, nor giving one of your possessions, like your antique marble bookends, to your friend who loves them. It's passing on a gift you got from someone else, as a gift.
Reasons why a person might regift include:
1. The item is wrong for her, but she figures it might be 'right' for someone else.
It is only right for someone else if it is the identical item she would buy for the recipient, and is in mint condition. Example: She was given a bottle of Lagavulin by a grateful client, but doesn't like scotch– and it's her friend Jay's favourite treat.
2. She is watching her spending.
Fine. She can bake a batch of cookies. (The Nuge would suggest you shoot a mallard, but I'm not behind all his gift ideas. Picking buckshot out of your dinner is no fun.) Or she could give her time or skills.
3. She has no idea what to give you, and short of time or energy, wraps up something on hand.
Come on, that's why they invented express shipping.
4. She does not really want to give a gift, a ritual which embodies celebration, affection, respect, and gratitude, especially gratitude.
Insincerity is the mother of regifting. In these moments, she might reflect on why she has accepted the invitation or maintained this relationship.
OK, there are frickin' exceptions
You could regift if the item is exactly what you would buy for the person anyway. But let's face it, most regifts are those dumb (OK, Ted, dumbass) candles-and-paper napkin sets that people bring as hostess gifts, bland, bitsy department store earrings or a remaindered science fiction novel received at an office gift exchange.
Someone (I'm not saying it's Ted, but I'm not saying it's not) would regift something so awful it's clearly a joke. So, he says, wrap up that rockin' tee shirt you got from your brother and hope your mother in law laughs till she spews.
Why regifting riles me
Ted says, "If you don't crush evil, then evil will get you."
I may have been fooled a time or two, but 90% of the time I can spot a regift. I once observed a museum gift store appointment book given three times before it passed from my circle of acquaintances.
The regift represents obligation rather than celebration. LPC, on her blog Privilege, writes that her father once received four pairs of sheepskin slippers from his children. But at least they knew what he liked.
The regift reveals that the giver paid cursory to zero attention to the receiver. The driving thought of the giver is, "On whom can I offload this gradoo?" Regifting negates the attentional aspect of gift-giving.
And therefore, the gift has as much chance of delighting the receiver as The Nuge has of turning vegan.
As Ted says, "There is no bag limit on happiness." How much happiness is in a regift of "The Last Lecture", complete with the business card of the giver's insurance agent, which he forgot to remove?
Finally, before I get comments apprising me of The Nuge's politics and attitudes, I know his scene. (He was once the boy who hung out at Mom's best friend Sue's house.) Ted's views are not, in any respect other than the regifting issue, endorsed by this blogger.
Tomorrow's post, the last till Jan. 4, supplies a useful last-minute gift idea.
Comments
Read this interview with Ted and tell me what's not to love??? The guy is an original!
http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MDdmYTRjMTBkYzQzY2JjNTEyYzJlMGQwOWRjMzA0N2Q=
On the subject of regifting...I can't think of anything much more tacky, although I was on the receiving end of one exchange a while back. Does that mean the "gift" giver didn't wish me good tidings? Guess not.
metscan: Ewwwww. Maybe you could buy her a Kindle?
I do buy and make gifts for friends (the made ones are paintings, and I often give people food I've prepared; last week red cabbage with red onion, apple, white wine etc. But I DO NOT take part in Christmas giftgiving. A lot of us have put a stop to it - except for small children - and feel much better relieved of that stress to consume.
All Christmas spending, if it is to be called that, is on food and wine to be shared.
In a city, this week can also be a nice time to go to the cinema, take in a museum and all the other things we never get round to doing.
I'm listening to the "Soeurs jumelles" from "Les Demoiselles de Rochefort". Sad thinking of Catherine Deneuve's equally beautiful and talented sister who died far too young.
i hope you have a wonderful christmas - family, friends, comfort and joy.....
For example, I don't mind receiving a book someone has already read, but it shouldn't be passed off as new. Rather, tell me something like, "I really enjoyed this book, I thought you might like it too so I'm passing it on." That makes me feel special instead of an obligation. Similar sentiments could be expressed with other items.
But don't pretend that you went to the trouble of a gift when you really didn't. Please understand--it's not that I feel that I have to have a gift. I'd just rather not receive one if you're passing along junk.
Passing on a book one has read is not a formal gift. I would just bring the book to a friend unwrapped and say, "thought you might enjoy this"- and not on an occasion when formal gifts are presented.
But one year a girlfriend gave me a brand new Hermes scarf in the box, she wasn't a scarf wearer and she knew that I was. I wasn't at all put off by the re-gift.
If only all re gifts be so nice!
My friend has pretty much stopped this annoying habit since her marriage. I think she is simply much happier. Middle-aged weddings don't always work out any more than younger ones do, but these people seem happy.
Oh, even the week from New Year's to "Les Rois" (the 6th, Epiphany) is pretty quiet here in terms of economic activity, so it can still be an opportunity to nip out to a gallery or museum in the afternoon (though I stay close to the office in the morning).
I don't have the neurons to waste on the likes of Ted Nugent, but guess I'm a terminal snob. Our own local "vedettes" are bad enough.
When I receive gifts that aren't my thing, I sometimes will offer to someone else with full disclosure ("a coworker gave me this and I can't abide coconut, would you like to have it?")
Oh... I know Ted is imperfect but I find him far less offensive than 99% of celebrities.
I also give good-condition classic children's books to my younger friends who have just had children, but, in the interests of full disclosure, I say up front that I am an habitue of used book stores.
I might pass along something (like scented lotion that she might like and I do not) to my mother, but I'd let her know up front that I received it and thought she might enjoy it.
Would I regift for a formal Christmas gift or birthday gift? Not so much - as others have posted, it's pretty tacky.
Crunchycon: The "Chinese Auction" is a game, not formal gift giving. Very different than presenting a person with a formal gift- and lots of fun, except in the case of Jeanie, who burst into tears when she lost the jeweled velvet frog.
Presenting something used, such as chldren's books you found in a bookstore is not regifting, but condition, as you noted is important.
Pseu: I would accept your box of chocolates with joy!
All: You know what else is a tacky gift? Cheap golf shirts with your conmpany's logo on them- leftovers from some client appreciation event- given to someone who doesn't wear that size. True story.
Recently gave someone what I thought was an incredible gift, and received a one line generic thank you note, not even mentioning the item.
I would still rather as you say go to a lot of thought and miss the mark sometimes than regift, exceptions aside.