Regrets, I've worn a few
I spent a good hour engrossed by the comments for the New York Times e-article, "What You Wouldn't Do If You Could Do it Again", which asked readers to contribute their response to the question, If you could undo one bad choice and get the money back, what would it be?
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| Shoulda, woulda, coulda |
Over a month later, responses are still rolling in steadily. There are themes: loans to friends, selling Apple stock, too-costly houses, youthful excess.
But what surprised and moved me were the posts that had no evident financial repercussions, like "I would have kissed her."
My response is that I would not have bought heaps of wildly expensive designer clothes in my single-girl thirties. I don't necessarily wish I'd invested the money; travel, art, philanthropy or even a piano would have given me more joy and edification than a Gaultier suit. What a dumb, well-dressed Dora!
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| Mr. Right said all wrong |
Those clothes didn't make me any happier or more successful than say, bridge lines, or beam Mr. Right onto my path. Le Duc in fact came along (25 years ago this month) when I was wearing a voluminous Rei Kawakubo coat that he told me he hated pretty early on.
Not only did he introduce true love, he ended my over-the-top spending not by requesting me to forsake Ferragamo and Gaultier, but by creating other priorities.
Comments
I don't have any financial regrets. Until quite recently (the last five years or so), I spent very very little on myself in terms of clothing, jewelry, or any personal items.
I bought a sofa once which I hated--and gave it away a year later as a temporary piece of furniture to our son and his wife. They gave it away two years later. It wasn't a bad sofa, but was upholstered in a chenille I did not like (have NEVER liked chenille) and had a very uninspired and ungraceful shape. As a result of that debacle, I am so careful when it comes to furnishings and never make quick decisions (which can irritate my husband).
Sometimes I have a twinge of regret over not going to law school ( I was amused to read the comments in the NY Times of so many who regret GOING to law school).
Non Financial: Allowing myself to dive into overeating when a series of tragedies hit in my early 30s. Many years later, never been able to lose that weight.
Sartorally, I wish that I still had the clothes and shoes that I bought at Celine and Hermes in the late 1970s. I would be wearing them today.
Finally, I wish that in my younger days I had invested in jewelry instead of horses. I would have had a nice collection with value today instead of memories, many of which are unhappy.
Susan: The classic advice- to live in a house a year before buying anything major= was hard to follow. Nothing was right. But it worked well for us as newlyweds. As years pass I am guessing you have built your eye!
hostess: Sounds like the pain of growing it out was worse than the cost.
Anonymous: There is always a lesson, at least if one stops to reflect.
Belle: Woman after my heart! But if I had my clothes of the '70s, I couldn't fit into them now!
s.: Not to band-aid your regret, but you are beautiful as you are. Perhaps somewhat different than your early 30s, which is the case for many women.
LPC: Before I plowed through those posts, I thought "I don't have any regrets". Then I realized just because they don't weigh me down, there are choices that I wish I'd made differently.
Fortunately, I was able to buy another sofa---attractive and deep and with a tasteful linen slipcover. But, the experience has made me gunshy when making major purchases unless I have an interior designer who taste I trust to be much like my own.
Like LPC, I have very few regrets. If anything, I wish I had dressed BETTER as a young woman. It wasn't until our children had left the nest that I allowed myself to spend any money on myself. So--I've come to knowledge about fashion very very late--one of the reasons I read this blog and others.
Demi-pointe: Your remarks lead to an insight for me, those clothes armoured me after a painful divorce. (I had them b/f the split, so they became part of "not losing everything".) I call the state of buying and then taking too good care, thus not really wearing the item, "curatorial shopping".
Thought-provoking post and the ensuing conversation is sure to be lively and interesting. Couldn't resist commenting despite just announcing I'd be holding back . . .
crunchycon: In the NYT lots of people regretted marriages, the repercussions both financial and psychological. (Strange. I do not regret a former one very much, only that it took so long to fall apart.)
Reflections: I hope we can all forgive ourselves for youthful mistakes- well, for any mistakes. Eons ago (I was single) was considering 'getting involved' with a married man, and a friend told me, "One thing is sure, you will suffer." Right.
But honestly, in terms of bang for the buck, I wish I hadn't bought a big, 100 year old fixer-upper house. I love my house, I love my neighborhood, but ... you know that movie, The Money Pit, from the '80s? I can relate.
We don't regret one single pearl!
Hope for a happy ending for the house investment, one day. Charming old houses are catnip to buyers.
Non clothing regrets: settling for a college that really wasn't the right environment for me, not having more confidence in my own skills, abilities and worth. Allowing le monsieur to pick light beige carpeting for the hallway and bedrooms (impossible to keep clean).