Childbirth at 60 and "We are pregnant"
No, I am not. But I could possibly bear more children if I followed the path of the 60-year old Canadian woman, Ranjit Hayer, who delivered twin boys last week, after getting IVF treatments in India. The seven weeks' premature babies are in "good" condition, the parents relieved and thrilled.
The Canadian media debate the ethics of supporting IVF for women over what one OB calls "the natural gestational age, up to 50". Since Canadians are generally moderate and polite, the consensus seems to be, "if she was advised of the risks (which are substantial), and chose to proceed, it's her business" though some have called it "selfish" and "unethical". Another example of telling women what to do based on their age.
Arthur Schafer, writing in The Globe and Mail on Feb. 9, 2009 commented that some call it "unnatural", saying "But why should we look to nature (or to Nature) to find our ethics? Nature is often red in tooth and claw. All of modern medicine interferes with nature. Is there an important moral distinction between using technology to correct abnormalities (such as a blocked fallopian tube) versus using technology to improve nature? I don't see it. It's entirely natural, as you age, that your eyesight deteriorates. So reading glasses are unnatural. But they aren't, on that account, unethical."
I tried to imagine bringing two baby boys home now, as I did 21 years ago.
Night feedings wouldn't be a problem, I'm awake at 3 am. most of the time anyway. I'd no longer fret about a detour from the business world, I've done all that. The only scary part is being 75 when they turn 15. The music, the moods, the vast amounts of food to buy and prepare, the continual, mostly futile attempts to impart the thinnest veneer of civilization. Maybe I'd have more patience at 75.
Mrs. Hayer tried to conceive for decades, was cheated of her money on the first attempt, and returned to Canada to regroup and try again in India. Like us, I hope Jagir and Ranjit Hayer enjoy watching their sons grow.
On another note, I've heard several young couples announce recently, "We are pregnant".
We? How did this idiotic locution take hold? I suppose couples want to telegraph that the guy is ardently involved, not just a donor. I prefer clarity: she is pregnant, he is a father-to-be.
Comments
But seriously, I have men making a pathway to me day after day (to replace batteries and watch straps) in my store and it irks me to hear them say 'we' everything is 'we' we live right around the corner" I peered out over the counter to see who we was. I only saw one person. "We just returned from Nantucket" "who....you and your invisible friend" I still couldn't see anyone. I think it is ridiculous when grown people who are standing alone....not another soul in sight use "we"
In comment to your blog- I think nature is amazing- fascinating- and if you had your boys now your hearing would be so decreased by the time they reach their teens that you wouldn't even mind how loud it was:)
You would have infinite patience and I still think you could do it!
I went to my gyn three years ago right during menopause which I am still going through and longed for a baby- not actually longed but somehwere in my hormonal makeup I longed for the ability to still be this fertile being. She immediately said "I can refer you to a specialit-I can't see a problem with you having a baby" I smiled- that was all I wanted to hear- the ability. Not the actuality.
By the way I loved this hopeful posting. Thanks!
nancygrace: They would probably die after 2 min. of labour.
materfamilias: This means siblings could be over 40 years apart, imagine that!
I also keep hearing people refer to their children with "our daughter" or "our son". I know my husband is the father, but geez, my daughter sounds fine to me.
I think there is a reason for menopause, and that's that it's time to stop breeding. We might still be awake at 3am, but our energy is not the same. I noticed a difference when I had my second child at 37 how much less energy I had than the first time round at 34 - and that's nowhere near 60!
Plus, chance of premature death of the parent/s is so much greater at that age.
My 2c worth!
By the way - I so admire many grandparents who step in and look after the kids when the parents can't/won't - but I don't think that this is the ideal situation.
Imogen and Alienne: These are among the reasons many people are critical of the event. I think childbirth at 60 will always be an exception for these reasons. But it is itneresting that when Pierre Trudeau (former PM of Canada) fathered a child at 71 there was a lot of "way to go, you rogue". No one I read suggested he was too old.
I haven't really thought this through yet, but I'm not sure that certain scientific procedures should necessary be available just because they are possible.
An aunt of mine had a baby at my age (I'm eligible for Passage des perles, though not really what one would call elegant)... and sadly, the lad turned out developmentally delayed. I know that can happen younger as well, but once you'v reached 50 it is really pushing it. She is a strong Catholic (I'm a heathen Catholic) and abortion was out of the question. But it made me very sad as she was the relative I most admired - she was a nurse in the Canadian army and travelled the world over, even to the USSR back before it was really opened up to tourism, and brought back Matrushkas and beautiful, if heavy, fur coats and hats.
I'm sure she loves her son deeply - though he is not a very "loveable" disabled person, alas, but a surly, resntful one - but the late pregancy really changed her life for the worse.
Didn't Picasso also father a child in his 70s? Some men are not very present fathers regardless of age.
Anjela: I think there's a book in you about this!
My aunt is very elderly now, don't like to think about that too much, but there are a lot of cousins around in the village where they live.
Oh, Picasso, wouldn't surprised me, but he was a particularly "phallic" artist. Trying to keep your elegant blog within the confines of good taste!
It is basically irresponsible.