Getting and Spending: "When do we stop accumulating?"

I had dinner recently with my perceptive and expressive friend Jude, who interrupted an intense discussion of jewellery renos to ask this question. We were in a raucous trattoria; it hung in the air like the steam from her espresso.

We stop when we stop is the facile answer—but what calls a woman to action? Reasons include:

1. Exhaustion: The chaos of bins, boxes, exploding drawers. Oh look, a top you forgot you bought. 

2. Ennui: We are bored by coastal quietude; the edgy looks overwrought; the trends, silly. We care, but are not ruled by fashion''s shifting weather. (See my post on "Image Interest".)

3. Ecology: We decide to buy less for the planet's sake, often in concert with choosing responsible brands, and to "Rewear, Repair, Restore". (See "How to Sustainably Shop for Your Clothes". ) 

4. Energy: Our effort or income is required elsewhere. "A sample sale was once a thrilling event", said Jude, "but I no longer want to stand in line for anything." Two of her favourite local boutiques had just closed, and she wasn't looking for new candidates.

5. Essence: This is a person's core identity. We spent decades cycling through a cast of characters, and  no longer cosplay, buying for a life we don't have. We may tweak, refresh or hop between sizes—but no more total makeovers.

Look familiar?

Since I've lived every one of those reasons, you'd think I'd be an exemplar of decumulation, but I out-lipstick a makeup counter.  So, sirens will sing, and to wholly resist leads to an austere corner of life. Where's the fun in that?

The Passion Exclusion

I love pearls, they love me. Over the past three years I divested some, bought fewer, but don't obey a strict one in/out because they are beyond an accessory, carrying the sea and its significance. Whether it be nutty socks, Edwardian nightgowns, your signature eyewear—there's a place for passion and it's your call whether you need to own it, or settle for the coffee table book.  

If you are passionate about everything, maybe open a store.


Where are you these days?  I'm betting that you have comments about Jude's question, too, and would love to hear your thoughts!

Comments

Marla said…
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I feel “meh” about most things lately. Maybe it’s because I need less since I retired, or what I already have is superior to what’s on offer. I know what hair and cosmetic products I like and rarely consider trying something new anymore -I’ve wasted so much money there over the decades. I no longer want to clutter my drawers with samples I will never use but feel guilty throwing away - they can keep them. Spring/Summer is my fav clothing season and I will probably try a piece or two but they better be comfortable, quality and workhorses or they will go back. Maybe it’s a case of I finally know what works for me and I’m content with what I have? Plus environmental considerations, for sure. I can always buy at the garden center and putter in the yard but the built in limit there is space!
Venasque said…
I'm still in the buying phase of my fashion life although I'm trying to curtail my wants and wishes. I am, however, at the point in the rest of my life where I'm echoing my mother "don't give me anything I have to find a place for". Didn't understand when she used to say it, but I do now.
Laura J said…
Agree with Marla..feeling the need for less and less. Eye iss meant I’ve eliminated all eye makeup. Supporting local businesses means I just buy what I need locally..serum, moisturizer and sunscreen. Avoiding the siren calls of “beauty departments “! Dressing for comfort, but put together. Love and wear my pearls. Have what I need in clothes…Most challenging thing…shoes! Definitely would rather spend the $ on social activities, pilates and the garden!
LauraH said…
My decumulation phase is pretty much done, my wardrobe is down to what I actually wear and I'm happy with what I've got. Spending too much money on clothes for my fantasy life over the years taught me how to put the brakes on. Money is also tighter than it used to be. Now I spend my available extra dollars on the garden and travel.
Leslie said…
A lot of my purchasing has been curtailed by the desire to downsize to a small single level home in the next few years. Sooner rather than later. If I am tempted to buy anything I stop to consider that it may not work in a smaller home or would be a waste of money when I should be saving to cover moving expenses.
Recently, I had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my face. There will be a small but noticeable scar, so I reflexively started looking online for a concealer. I stopped when I realized I have 4 different and expensive tubes in my bathroom cabinet. Old habits die hard.
avicennia said…
Fortunately I’ve never fallen into the trap of too many beauty products. I have one color of blush, one color of lip liner, and one color of lipstick. No eyeshadow. But I do tense over accumulate shoes!
Duchesse said…
Marla: You preference for a season makes sense as (at least here) spring to mid-fall is when we actually see clothes in public spaces. And those of us not going to work find a big chunk of requirement melts away. (I always thought of offices as 'fashion shows'.)

Venasque: Our mothers had decades more experience putting away, rotating, repairing. It becomes work. But I do not remember Mom citing the "one in/one out" rule; it had to be worn out to be divested. Even then it could end up as a dust cloth.
Duchesse said…
Laura J: The demise of department stores has made the beauty department nearly obsolete, though specialty cosmetics stores like Sephora are still around. Still, I kind of miss the makeup artists who would demonstrate on me even though they knew I was not going to buy the works.
Duchesse said…
LauraH: With no garden I can still be lured by small treats. Travel is another level of spending which is why I suppose a lipstick does not set off my internal alarm but a big purchase like a winter coat does.
Duchesse said…
Leslie: I had a bcc removed several years ago and just finished a course of topical chemo on face b/c to address damage now surfacing. (If I had my early life to live again it would be out of the sun!) You probably got the same lecture I did re care now. Funny about the concealer, I did the same and found two almost pristine ones.
Duchesse said…
avicennia: I spent a lot of time thinking, How does she manage with one lipstick? I cannot be alone, would you tell us the name? Is it one of those 'my lips but better shades? I bow before your ability and control.
Jane in London said…
I'm definitely in my 'one in, one out' phase now. I like to have all my clothes and shoes visible, so that means they need to fit into the wardrobe space available to me (which is London, rather then north American, dimensions). I don't accumulate make-up, as I am a bit odd in that I tend to use the same brand and colour of products for years and just get a couple of spares of them all to keep in reserve. Same Estee Lauder eye pencil, same e.l.f brow pencil and stick blush, same Eliz Arden lipstick... I get overwhelmed by the range and volume of cosmetic products now pushed at us and have come to realise that I rather dislike the tyranny of choice that comes with modern life!
avicennia said…
I use NARS lip liner in Cruella, and Mineral Fusion lipstick in Ruby— day and night, summer and winter. Too much choice would just complicate getting out the door. But shoes are another matter.
Leslie said…
I have more pairs of eyeglasses than Avicenna has lipstick. Yes, what is the brand.
And, ahem, shoes are a whole other matter left out of the discussion for now.
Duchesse said…
Thank you! It's a good approach to have a signature colour and a clear, vibrant red is a flexible shade.
Duchesse said…
Leslie: Before we moved to a small condo, I had a box that would hold a dishwasher labelled "Shoes Not Worn Much"!
Duchesse said…
"The tyranny of choice" is a wise warning and behind that bottomless choice is the marketers' fanning of insecurities. At the same time, makeup does change with the times; with me happened when I moved to gray hair. The MAC artists did a good job tweaking the palette, and sold me two shades. The rest of the excess has been entirely my fault.

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