Kids, materialism and the alternative

Last summer's reading included an Atlantic article, "Why Kids Want Things", by Joel Pinsker—well worth your time.

Researcher Marsha Richins has studied patterns of materialism for thirty years; she says middle school is a critical period:

"I think of seventh grade as being the worst age of a person’s life. It’s really a fraught time, and there’s all this insecurity that kids have about, 'Who am I? Do people like me? What kind of person am I?' 

So, how do we navigate that? Well, our appearance is one of the things we navigate with. So, what does a kid see when they see another kid? They see the expression on their face, they see the body language, the posture, and the clothes they’re wearing. And so a kid who’s not very self-confident in navigating this is going to maybe feel a little more self-confident if they’re wearing the right kind of clothes rather than the wrong kind of clothes. Here we’re learning, right off the bat, that having things can help us define who we are."

I was reminded of an incident from our sons's middle school years. I found several cotton-piqué Ralph Laurent Polo shirts at Value Village. (Many of the kids' shirts came from what we called V- Squared; we lived a few blocks away and there was always an ample stock of boys' tees.) When Jules appeared in the schoolyard in his Polo shirt, a boy pointed to the logo and said, "See that little horse? You don't want any shirt that doesn't have that." 

He came home to inform me; I was disconcerted by his conviction. I told him the little horse was not de rigeur. 

The same son was over for dinner recently and expressed jubilation about a recent V-Squared haul: a capsule wardrobe of couple of pairs of new-condition pants, Woolrich shirt-jacket, and Ralph Lauren sweater. Total cost about $30.

The apple has not fallen far from the tree; last July, I bought two thrifted tees (Jacob, BCBG); the weather was so hot and humid that I didn't have enough ultra-light things:

I thought, maybe the awareness of brands is not unremittingly bad, if we can also instil the wisdom of thrifting, and the skill of assessing quality.

Richins goes beyond buying to advise that we "give a child a sense of who they are beyond possessions". When she has interviewed 20-to-40 year olds, one of the most consistent findings has been the association between the person's current level of materialism and how they perceived their parents using things when they were growing up:

"Parents who act in ways that value things, parents who make a lot of sacrifices to get a lot of things, parents who get a lot of joy from buying things, parents who talk a lot about things—they tend to have adult children who act the same way. Now, part of this is probably some bias as people recall their childhoods, but I don’t think that’s all of it. The helpful thing for parents here—and also the harmful—is yes, peers are really important, but our kids are watching us." 

I have written about the legacy of having a Depression-era mother. At times, her thrift seemed withholding and joyless; I rebelled at sixteen by buying a full-price Etienne Aigner wallet with my first paycheque from J.C. Penney. But within a few years, I was sewing, thrifting, trading with girlfriends. To this day when I pay full retail, I hear her her critical voice.

I now appreciate more than resent what she was up to, and am amused to see her influence handed down from her to me, and now to her grandson.