Christine at 50: I swear!
In the midst of moving chaos, we attended a sparkling birthday party for our beloved friend Christine, to celebrate her 50th birthday.
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| Birthday! |
In the photo, I'm in a silk Chinese jacket, which I nearly donated before the party, and now that I've seen myself, will. The Versace fabric, sewn for me by a friend, is too much pattern for my current taste; time to say ciao.
Christine, by contrast, is wearing a soft grey long-sleeved tee and ice-blue capris. You can just see her famous vintage jeweled charm bracelet.
I think she's a double for Linda Eastman, Paul McCartney's late wife. That makes Christine shudder; but see what you think:
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| Linda Eastman McCartney |
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| Christine |
Christine made an intention on turning 50: she is going to stop swearing. Now, she's not the most explicit swearer, but has decided her behaviour is no longer suitable, and chose to stop– after the party. (I should add that Christine, a teacher, never swore at work.)
When you turned fifty, or any other significant "decade" birthday: did you resolve to make any changes?
One friend vowed to run a marathon (and had not run since high school), another made a list of four places she wanted visit, cashed in all her air miles and made the trips over her 50th year. I know someone who decided to adopt a child.
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| Bokasana at 83! |
Seventy is next, over seven years from now; how about me setting the goal of a birthday Bokasana (Crow Pose)? Bette Calman, the Australian yoga teacher shown in the photo, is 83. She says "Forget age, yoga keeps you young."
Christine practices yoga too, and swims in her school's pool for fifty minutes at lunch most days. A *%$**@# inspiration!
Comments
50 was harrowing for me. Just before my birthday my spouse took a deep plunge off the dementia cliff and I was woefully unprepared. He lived in a world of hallucinations, anger and recriminations; I remember feeling lost and crying on my birthday, which was otherwise mostly forgotten. My goal was surviving the year. Which I did. Dementia is a present in our lives, although the situation is now greatly improved and I think this is a more pivotal year for me, 53 in July.
During our early marriage, we had to pinch pennies. I had hardly noticed that over the years, things had changed, and now I COULD afford nice clothing, handbags, shoes, even jewelry if I desired it. So now, I can allow myself to have quality clothing and other nice things.
Shelly: 55 was better, for me too! Hope you celebrate fully and exuberantly.
Susan: Though it is about the opposite, women who cannot spend on themselves, you might enjoy this old post:
http://passagedesperles.blogspot.com/2009/03/women-who-will-not-spend-on-themselves.html
I look for a balance, a place between mean denial and greedy over-indulgence. I find getting rid of half of our possessions has been a terrific exercise in that!
As for 50, I was almost finished my Ph.D. dissertation, had landed a university teaching position in my own small city, had launched three of my four fledglings, and carved out time for twice-weekly Pilates. Menopause was still a few years off so skin, weight, etc., not yet a problem. Life was good, and I actually revelled in stating my age -- I saw the 50 as a badge of having lived, of having acquired a certain knowledge and even, perhaps, wisdom. For the most part, I still feel this huge good fortune and age spots, crow's feet, even the deep naso-labials, seem a fair enough trade off for getting here. But I am conscious of how much that sense turns on the luck of good health. At almost 58, I might have 25 years left, but how enjoyable they will be depends on my eyesight, my hips, my memory . . . and my spouse's.
All the more reason to make the best of my time right now, right?
and perhaps I might even put Christine's resolution down for my 80th. . .
Loved what you said about 50; I felt those good things- my dismay was not about appearance but that so much of my life had passed; a sense of mortality overwhelmed me. Now, over a decade later I don't have such dread, except that this move is related to life's transit. We think, "How do we want to live now?" instead of "Someday...".
The year I turned 50 I launched my blog, and we took our first trip to Paris. My resolution was to travel more, and we have! And I've managed to keep the blog going; it's become an important part of my life.
In some ways, my 50's so far have been the best time of my life. I'm in a good marriage, have been with the same employer for 18 years now and have the vacation time and resources to travel once or twice a year. I sailed through menopause pretty much unaware between 50 and 51. The most important thing now is to maintain health and vitality so I can continue to travel and remain active for the next few (!) decades.
And tell Christine she doesn't appear to be 50, but we'll take her word:). At 50 I had just separated from my husband of 20 years. Not an easy time. Actually rather like running through a gauntlet of swords, being stabbed. But it was necessary, and is easier now.
For years, I used every resource for the benefit of our children. THEY were well dressed, but I was not. I consider it a triumph to realize that I deserve nice things too.
I will read your link and I'm sure I will enjoy it.
I am not a bug fan of prints but an exotic jacket like yours does have it's place...
I must say that you have great bone structure and your skin is perfection.
You wear 60 very well Duchesse!
50 was nothing more than another year passing for me...it was 56 that really hit home that I was getting on...and now that my jaw line is slacking and my skin has aged more I do feel a sense of my mortality
but I am trying to put this on the back burner and savour all the gifts that are in my life...after all it's not all about me!
Loving this conversation, btw.
Congratulations to your friend on making it 50 and looking so great.
Also, I love vintage charm bracelet!
I've not yet hit 50, but I hope to hit that particular milestone with enthusiasm - I had the mortality wake-up call a little early thanks to some family circumstances, so I'm determined to make the most of the rest of my life. I hope to do it with the verve that you and the other commenters display.
LPC: Oh, thanks- little makeup on here, living out of boxes! Yes, separation is a gauntlet and begins the moment one realizes it is inevitable. Better days come, as we know.
Gretchen: Christine's elegance makes her swearing sound-how shall I say- almost proper. Readers have spoken, I will keep the jacket and appreciate your opinion. Oh,and charms, I'd get that baby roadworthy.
Susan: When circumstances change, our relationship to money often changes, but some women do not lose old habits.
materfamilias: When my first friend to die of natural causes went, in my late thirties, that was a shock. But at 40 I had one year old twins and was so immersed that I had no time or energy to reflect. At 50 I did, and it was ghastly. But 51 was a lark. Some birthdays are heavier than others.
hostess: 63 coming up in July! Another vote for the jacket, this blog is really influencing my life.
Belle: Christine is one of those casually glamourous women, like Rene Russo or Cate Blanchett... we just love her (and not only for her allure.) I will miss her greatly.
Tiffany: What, under 50? A mere child! One of my priorities is to find the right studio in Mtl. Not Bikram or Ashtanga though.
When I was 53 I had my OMG moment - I got weighed before a surgical procedure and when the nurse stated the number, my eyes bugged out. What had happened to me?! The next year was spent walking in a nature reserve, doing yoga and cutting back. 20 pounds less and I am reassessing our "someday" plans and making them concrete in a 6 year plan. I realized my life is finite, and although I would like to think we'll have a long and healthy retirement, I also have seen people who have passed away suddenly, just before or after the golden handshake. I take nothing or no one for granted now, and life is better. I'm PAYING ATTENTION!
P.S. Inspired by Christine's awesome bracelet, I am building one with watch fobs etc. Thanks for your blog, it has been so helpful. Once I woke up from the haze of my early 50s & thought "Life is too short to wear black every day!" and started looking at fashion once again, I had the same thoughts you had..."Too old for babydoll, too young to die!"
cheers Duchesse, keep writing!
I didn't notice 50 as I was too wrapped up in an unsatisfying consulting business. In turning 52 last year, I stopped to reflect on the bigger picture, including the past, and in turning 53 this year, decided it was time to make some changes, most importantly to pay attention to my appearance and explore the meaning of personal style. That's how I came to find bloggers like you :-).
I don't advocate skipping lunch when teaching high school- can you imagine dealing with kids when starving?