Say what?

Over the summer, I did more socializing, and with a wider social circle than usual. I have no scandalous behaviour to report, but a few behaviours puzzled me, and each had to do with words and their underlying intent.

1. "Let me get the tip." 

Several friends said that when I took them to lunch. This gesture has been around since my student days, a guest's effort to contribute in some way. Leaving a tip on someone else's check is awkward: the guest must either eyeball the tip screen or estimate what the cheque might be; it takes the charm off the moment. My reply is, "Please, not this time. I'm taking you!" 

2. "You sure?" 

This is a response to an offer that Person A made to Person B: 
A: "I'm hopeless with orchids; please take this one, would you?
B:  "Sure. Wow, so nice of you!" But then, B tacks on the affirmation-seeking probe, "You sure?"  

What is B questioning here, A's sanity? Her ability to make a generous, considered gesture?

I am always tempted to reply, "Actually, no. Never mind." If I have made extravagant offer whose acceptance I may later regret, that's my potential problem. It is a tiny annoyance that I must re-confirm an offer,  but so ubiquitous now, I wonder how we got there.

3. "We're pregnant!"  

This is a different locution; it's an inaccurate representation of pregnancy, unless those to whom it applies are both gestating. Pregnancy is the clinical term for the specific biological event that happens to the female sex or to those persons who retain female reproductive anatomy. 

"We're pregnant" presents pregnancy as a joint event; however, there is but one uterus involved in most cases. I've heard women say they use this so that the partner "feels more involved". In that case, how about "We're expecting a baby!", or "Lee and I are going to be parents!" With women's reproductive rights being challenged as I write, let's be clear about who's doing what.

The first two are innocuous social tics, easily resolved. The third is more loaded.  There is a renewed movement toward what have been labelled "traditional" values, which on examination often reflects a return to circumscribed roles for couples and families. Guess who is the decision-maker. 

If I counter the usage, it is in private and I usually lead with a spirit of curiosity. One of the long-running Susanfriends (actually Susanna, but it counts) said, "I heard it from someone and just went with it." Haven't we all done something like that? 

Then we had a warm exchange about the prospective parents and ended up saying, "Remember when you could not even say 'pregnant'"?

Oh no, I'm elderspeaking!

I've caught myself doing that old person thing, using age-related language like "back in the day...", or in my worst moments, "I have done that (from Pilates to sneaking my own popcorn into a movie theatre) since before you were born."

Why am I wielding my age like a flyswatter? My best, embarrassed guess is it is an attempt to claim superiority due to experience, which is not always an accurate premise. Like mansplaining, it makes the speaker look worse.

Do you wonder about certain expressions?  Do you catch yourself using elderspeak? Do tell.