"Looking Old" and experts' advice

There's a small industry on social media poised to warn any woman past 50 how to dress to avoid "looking old"; a few weeks ago, You Tube hurled a lineup at me me as if I were a 300-year old redwood.

I spent an hour or so watching these vlogs to investigate what experts thought was ageing us besides years lived. 

The general consensus is that certain patterns (florals, both too tiny and too bold), baggy tops worn over trousers, buttoned shirts fastened right to the neck, matchy ensembles (e.g , tracksuits) and chunky comfort sandals reek of geriatric resignation. 

There are particular dislikes: shiny synthetic fabrics, the absence of belts, drawstring waists, capris, statement necklaces, clogs. Brands in their crosshairs: Soft Surroundings, Chico's, J. Jill, Talbot's, and (brace yourself, fans) Eileen Fisher. 

Today, a review of some, definitely biased by whether they confirm what I think.

Leonie Barlow, The Style Insider

Barlow was a New Zealand fashion editor; she provides a nuanced take that goes beyond a No Fly list. She considers overall attitude, and says, "It's not our clothes, it's the way they're worn."


She talks about "too many soft clothes in one outfit", and the role of structured pieces. At once reaffirming ("of course we like to be comfortable") and challenging, she introduces ideas like adding tension to a tried-and-true favourite outfit to make it more personal and deliberate.

I liked this wider perspective and the twinkle in her eye and would watch more of her vlogs.


Lecoeur specializes in "delivering the tough messages" e.g.,  don't wear a straight-cut top over trousers ("You can even see the button of your pants!"). The segment (as well as at least six others that address the dreaded frump factor) shows both the culprits and her alternatives. She dislikes floral trousers, paisley, beige.

I would not want much of what she recommends, which I find more conventional than chic, though appreciated her "French Chic Colour Test", like speed dating for colour choice: no skin tone analysis, no season-typing, just pick up the piece, hold it next to your face, and see whether you look tired in it ("Non!") or fresh, vibrant and healthy ("Oui!") .

She offers a tart caution about shopping— that salespersons often steer women in the Passage toward voluminous styles and limp neutrals simply because of their age. The production, with graphics and spinning effects from the first days of MTV, jars in light of her urging to update one's look. 


10 Style Mistakes That Instantly Make You Look Older  (30 min.)
Melissa Murrell, MM Personal Styling

Murrell, based in Wiltshire, UK, calls herself "a stylist for the average woman". Mistakes she lists include skipping accessories, wearing a tight tip-to-toe outfit (unless you are Cher?) and ignoring the details like removing chin hair, updating eyeglasses, and (shown below, she is in the centre), choosing a current cut and then keeping it trimmed. 

Melissa Murrell, centre, and a dated versus modern cut

I do not see many women in my city with the prim style on the left, and when I do, they always seem to be in pairs, pulling bundle buggies.

Nominees for donation: high platform heels; thin waterfall cardie-coats, ratty rucksacks.  I liked Murrell because her emphasis was on working with what you have, and her choices reflected a relaxed yet pulled-together effect. 

One piece of advice that stood out is to not pair old clothes with a new, updated item, which seems counterintuitive till you see her example.   


Leconte is another Frenchwoman with a solid following. She echoes some of Lecoeur's advice (e.g., don't wear all neutrals) and prescribes a fix by  showing a colour wheel and combinations, a brilliant bit. (Shout out here to Janis Riggs' blog "The Vivienne Files" for an inspiring and richly-illustrated foray into the world of colour.)

She cautions about too much print or pattern, perhaps reflecting French cultural norms. The section in which she talks about how to wear jewellery is useful, and explains why some women buy and then don't wear it because they are unsure how to work with the proportions.

Justine Leconte in earrings she designed

I've watched a few other Leconte videos and found them level-headed and realistic.

These experts (and a few more I haven't listed because I'd be mean) concur that fit—specifically, clothing that follows the actual body shape—and attention to grooming are essential. They differ on a few details, but florals do get it in the neck. 


Jane and Beryl's Instagram reels

And speaking of that, I would be remiss without mentioning Jane Rist and Beryl White of The Ministry of Style, (The Instagram account is whatjaneandberylwear.) They handle (snort) subjects like dressing a large bust, wearing stripes, and choosing a good trouser width with nutty glee and narration like  "If you feel your breasticles are not your besticles...". 

They have an ardent love of ruffles and tea, and are possibly related to at least two of the Pythons.


Toward late afternoon, neighbour Ethel interrupted my binge to suggest meeting for coffee, and I threw on my usual: jeans, a marinière, Birkie Arizonas—but chose a structured bag to add a pinch more polish which—get with the program, Duchesse—is now called "intention".

After a cortado and an unintended giant cookie, I did not return to watch more. I had begun watching with curiosity and ended in mild asperity. I've made over 2,000 choices so far (given the stat that the average Canadian buys 70 pieces of clothing a year.) Do I need these videos? Maybe not, but I gleaned something from each.

Early the next morning, I watched children arrive for their first day at the school across the street, darting about in back-to-school tees and shoes. I thought, maybe that's the element forgotten as we age: energy.  It takes energy to make thoughtful choices and attend to the details, but that's what transmits vitality. (And so does divesting a black-and-white shirt that flunked the French Chic Colour Test.)  

The last word belongs to Leonie Barlow, who reminds us it is not about looking young, but about looking modern. 


 

Comments

Jane in London said…
This was great fun! I love Jane and Beryl - totally bonkers, but with some real nuggets of truth in there. I have looked at some of Mme LeCoeur's vids, but found it difficult to concentrate as her manner and voice irresistibly brought to mind the flirty Madame Peignoir in the Fawlty Towers 'wedding party' episode. Just me? For me, at this season in life, the main aim is to feel confident in my appearance and to wear the things that reflect my (quiet, but not neutral) style. Also: good posture can take you a long way, whatever you wear, imo...
Kamchick said…
My key take-away from this excellent post was that we should aim to look 'modern'. Things change, as we go along. Not all new trends will suit, but some will and should be considered 'updates'.
Wendelah said…
I couldn't even finish the article. At nearly 73, as a cancer survivor and a widow, I dress how I want. I don't need to look updated and I don't worry about looking old. Aging is inevitable; so is death.
Duchesse said…
Jane in London: Yes, she does! And agree enthusiastically about posture, for any person, not just women.
Duchesse said…
Kamchick: I depend on a few sites to show me what's current, and at the same time notice that some very well-dressed women of my vintage, like Lauren Hutton, clearly found what suited them decades ago, and have updated mostly their accessories.
Duchesse said…
Wendelah: As the kids say, you do you! But do hang in for Jane and Beryl; they're not at all prescriptive and a hoot.
Marla said…
The only one of these women I have watched is Marie-Anne Lecoeur and I find her pretty unpleasant. She focuses too much on how to look smaller for my taste and sniffs at “ugly” shoes. A lot of us have foot problems and have limited choices! I also like all kinds of prints so she loses me there. Most of the things she recommends seem very prim and “older” to me and I’m 71! I don’t care for her production style either.
Leisienne said…
These were a lot of fun to watch, but I'm looking forward to a time when style advice for older women is contextualized in a different way. I care about style, I don't care about "looking old," and I know that, at 62, I look old no matter what I'm wearing. The question is: do I look chic? Except, of course, on the days when the question is: do I feel comfortable?
Duchesse said…
Marla: A lesson we might draw from her (and I have had the same impression, especially about shoes) is that even "experts" can be out of touch with what women need, and stuck in narrow tropes. Yesterday on the street I passed by a woman about age 70 in a vibrant yellow print dress in a billowing cut –so lots to print and colour— with which she wore a yellow scarf in a slightly deeper tone, and comfortable ecru sandals like Mephistos. I thought she looked wonderful, and she broke every French Chic bit of advice going.
Duchesse said…
Leisienne: I think I know what you mean; I know I look old because I am nearly always given a seat on the bus. But I do want to look like I live in the present time. I just spent a few days with a 61 yr old woman in my extended family who is chic in an informal, relaxed way. and always comfortable. She is an advertising art director and co-owner of the agency; buys most of her clothes from the NYC boutique No. 6. Their selection (and the prices!) keep her focused, which I think is a big factor is looking good no matter what one's age. A lot of us bounce around trying this and that; she was laser-focused.
Marla said…
This topic has stayed on my mind, and I got to thinking about how much being well dressed is tied to the part of the world you live in, your climate, and right down to your local region or city. Beyond that, what your own lifestyle is, how you spend your time and what makes you feel your best. Dressing "French chic" makes no sense in, say, Hawaii and would have the opposite effect intended. Duchesse, I absolutely love what you said to Leisienne - I do want to l look like I live in the present time. What a great guiding principal this is!
Beth said…
I've been thinking about this ever since reading your post on Tuesday and finally decided to weigh in...just as young women are being negatively affected by "influencer" culture and endless online advice that monetizes their insecurities, I think we need to be aware that a great deal of what's aimed at older women is coming from exactly the same place. I take all fashion advice with a grain of salt. What's important is to feel confident and happy in your body and in your clothes, and that can happen whether you're wearing your favorite floral shirt and jeans, or the latest fashion from a favorite boutique. I appreciate your curation of the advisers, Duchesse. Like you, I know I look old, but I don't think I look dowdy -- however, I'm going to wear what I want because I think I've earned that, and I honestly don't care about trends or what anyone else says. The social media stuff is mostly a trap, as far as I'm concerned.
Duchesse said…
Marla: Oh what an on-the-nose point; the experts I sampled are a product of their environments and also their financial niche. And our comment reminded me of an Iris Apfel aphorism, "If your hair is done properly and you're wearing good shoes, you can get away with anything."
Duchesse said…
Beth: Say it, sister, and I'll raise you one by saying same with makeup, especially skin care. The whole beauty/fashion sector runs on fanning insecurity. I did not carefully curate these "experts", click on one and the algorithm populates one's feed with all sorts. Some younger women have embraced a counter-movement which sanctifies "dowdy" as a desirable state and a deliberate protest against consumer culture.

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