Uneven aging: The Brickendens light a path
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| Photo: The Globe & Mail |
Sometimes an obituary grabs your heart. The Brickendens, Shirley and George, were such persons. Remarkable from their first meeting to their joint and chosen medically-assisted death, they illuminate a path some of us are just beginning to discern.
An interview given less than a week before they died, in which they explain their decision, is here.
The couple was a classic case of uneven aging in advanced old age: Shirley, 94, obtained approval for assisted death over a year ago, but for one of the two doctors required to approve the procedure, George did not meet the criteria. Then, at 95, he caught up.
After nearly 73 years together, they "flew away", as they always put it, holding hands in their own bed.
Their way is not for everyone, but it resonates for me because I saw, during the years when I worked in two large hospitals, that when a patient was in an advanced state of irreversible decline, unbearable suffering ennobled no one.
I am beginning to witness the end of life more frequently, among my own friends and family. Some endings are graceful, some are fraught. One day, I would like to be able to make certain decisions, difficult though they may be, and want my wishes to be compassionately respected. My beliefs allow the possibility of euthanasia, so I am watching as Quebec carefully tests this newly-acquired right. Over three hundred persons were approved for the option in 2017.
The Brickendens left after loving farewells and good champagne. I am grateful to them for publicly describing their poignant, entirely informed, and now legal act.
Comments
If the presence of such directives and their content is shared family while the parent is well, that would, I hope, head off some of the fights I too have seen. The very worst time to address all this is when the parent is critically ill.
I realize the government have not initiated such measures purely in the name of a good death. Treatments with poor prognoses are costly, and a strain on limited resources. And some doctors are themselves biased toward prolonged, invasive treatment when there is no reason for it.
I also believe that if someone is suffering from an incurable disease, and that person wishes to choose suicide, that should be allowed.
What a wonderful couple. Thank you.
As I wrote this, I was keenly aware that some readers' religious or personal beliefs would not be consistent with such an approach.
Short of the Brickenden's act, there are palliative treatments that do not end life, but certainly nudge the process along. This has long been a strategy some persons who would neither want to be a recipient or provider of assisted suicide can accept. One of my friend's mothers had a form of sedation, combined with cessation of nourishment. To me there is little difference- it just took a week instead of a few minutes- but the family was on board with it.
I once asked my father, a doctor, what he thought. He said, "I have no problem with it being done in late stages when the patient is suffering, but let the family administer the drugs; don't ask us to do it." A friend's father was dying at home; he asked for someone to help him end an ordeal that had gone on for months. The care team left his daughter with medication and instructions.
Of course some have religious beliefs that forbid this, but this is no longer as much of a factor as it was decades ago, at least not here.
Several readers have contacted me via email to say they could not do it because of religious beliefs.
A majority of us are in favor of medical aid in dying. We want that option if it comes to that. If a person's religious belief would prevent that, they can certainly refrain from choosing to go that route. But please, don't take that choice away from others who don't share your belief.
"Please don't take that choice away" sounds like a request. When it comes to constitutional rights, those who want this right need to take action in their jurisdiction and, if it is already granted, make sure it stays.
This couple were vibrant , beautiful , it seems that they demonstrated control of their faculties at the time of this decision .
They had 8 grandchildren at the time of this event . Inexplicably they have just told these 8 grandchildren that suicide is an option when things don’t go to your choosing . A planned ticket.
I’d love to see the impact of this generational decision 5 or 10 or 20 years on. If grandma and grandpa did this in their 90s and they weren’t suffering , what does this tell the family .
When Grandma and Grandpa took their lives and we all had pre parties and celebrations and they just flew away .
Terrifying . How is this upheld as a best practice in any family or society is mind numbing . I am still haunted by this 5 years on.
Assisted suicide is not a "best practice", it is an •option• presently legally permitted to persons who fulfill strict criteria and request it. Down through the ages, very ill persons have chosen to end their lives (with or without assistance) when suffering becomes unbearable, or when it is imminent and certain.