Aging, Charlotte Rampling and Uptown Funk
At Christmas, I received a book on how to maintain a stylish, attractive image, from thirty to eternity. While the book contained some solid advice, an undertone of anxiety led me to think about many books of the genre. Why is looking your age so often presented as deeply wrong, something to strenuously avoid?
During the same week, I saw a photo of Charlotte Rampling published in The Guardian, along with a forthright interview.
I was drawn to the frank display of lines and freckles, the deep-set, uncarved eyes (she has always had hooded eyes, used to devastating effect), the strength in the face. Her attitude was a refreshing refutation to the Age of Concealment.
At 68, Rampling continues to resist shots and scalpels, saying, on The Talks "... we’re all vain, we’re all narcissistic, we don’t like to grow old. Who
wants to grow old? Who wants to get lines? Who wants to not be young?
But we can’t be. We’re going on."
In another interview, she said, "You've got to wait. You've got not to panic, not to be frightened, and not to change your face. You need your face to grow with you..."
She is, however, but one example. I know many women who project such singular character and I'll bet you do, too. I'm not against making efforts to look pretty, but I'm disgusted when told that hiding my age must be my primary goal.
Age-averse books and posts (which seem to multiply by the month), usually use three linked tactics:
1. Ratchet the realization of physical changes into full-blown fear.
You will, they insist, not look your best, but if you tend every inch of yourself, disguising time's effects, you can then feel confident. Is confidence really conferred by a cream?
A woman is celebrated for looking "years younger than..." (whatever age she is). We need self-esteem of steel to resist this cultural meme. If we bite, we're hooked, and easy pickings for the next two tactics.
2. Present high maintenance as a just war. It's no longer enough to look after health and grooming, now we must be Sun Tzu in an LBD, arming ourselves with "weapons" specifically for aging and enlisting experts in "the fight". (Military metaphors abound; words like combat, defy, vanquish, and defend are favourites.)
Clothes must be neither too young nor too old, unless they are classics, which are fine except when they are too classic, and therefore aging. (The charge that a given item "ages you": kiss of death.)
3. Endorse pursuit of a futile quest. Consume an ever-changing array of products and procedures. Spend as much as you can, or more. Try anything tenders or friends recommend. (The saddest refrain in one book was "I think I see a difference.") The cycle: Buy, Enjoy Brief Respite, Feel Vulnerable, Repeat.
I truly care about my 3 Ms: mind, mobility, and mojo*. The rest is icing on a cake that isn't so fresh anymore, but so what?
*Operational definition:"Girls hit your hallelujah!"
Uptown Funk, flute of rosé bubbly, a spritz of favourite fragrance—a gift from Le Duc—and lots of hugs: so far I'm in the Charlotte Camp, and thank her for such succor.
During the same week, I saw a photo of Charlotte Rampling published in The Guardian, along with a forthright interview.
I was drawn to the frank display of lines and freckles, the deep-set, uncarved eyes (she has always had hooded eyes, used to devastating effect), the strength in the face. Her attitude was a refreshing refutation to the Age of Concealment.
At 68, Rampling continues to resist shots and scalpels, saying, on The Talks "... we’re all vain, we’re all narcissistic, we don’t like to grow old. Who
wants to grow old? Who wants to get lines? Who wants to not be young?
But we can’t be. We’re going on." In another interview, she said, "You've got to wait. You've got not to panic, not to be frightened, and not to change your face. You need your face to grow with you..."
She is, however, but one example. I know many women who project such singular character and I'll bet you do, too. I'm not against making efforts to look pretty, but I'm disgusted when told that hiding my age must be my primary goal.
Age-averse books and posts (which seem to multiply by the month), usually use three linked tactics:
1. Ratchet the realization of physical changes into full-blown fear.
You will, they insist, not look your best, but if you tend every inch of yourself, disguising time's effects, you can then feel confident. Is confidence really conferred by a cream?
A woman is celebrated for looking "years younger than..." (whatever age she is). We need self-esteem of steel to resist this cultural meme. If we bite, we're hooked, and easy pickings for the next two tactics.
2. Present high maintenance as a just war. It's no longer enough to look after health and grooming, now we must be Sun Tzu in an LBD, arming ourselves with "weapons" specifically for aging and enlisting experts in "the fight". (Military metaphors abound; words like combat, defy, vanquish, and defend are favourites.)
Clothes must be neither too young nor too old, unless they are classics, which are fine except when they are too classic, and therefore aging. (The charge that a given item "ages you": kiss of death.)
3. Endorse pursuit of a futile quest. Consume an ever-changing array of products and procedures. Spend as much as you can, or more. Try anything tenders or friends recommend. (The saddest refrain in one book was "I think I see a difference.") The cycle: Buy, Enjoy Brief Respite, Feel Vulnerable, Repeat.
I truly care about my 3 Ms: mind, mobility, and mojo*. The rest is icing on a cake that isn't so fresh anymore, but so what?
*Operational definition:"Girls hit your hallelujah!"
Uptown Funk, flute of rosé bubbly, a spritz of favourite fragrance—a gift from Le Duc—and lots of hugs: so far I'm in the Charlotte Camp, and thank her for such succor.
Comments
I'm adopting your three M's as my guiding mantra!
Cheers
Meg
Must admit I'm guilty of feeling good when someone tells me I don't look my age, ouch. And when a nice young person offers me a seat on the subway I always want to ask 'do I really look that old?!'. Some days it's hard to see the signs of age on my face but it is what it is. I'ld rather take care of myself so I can keep moving, stay involved, try new experiences, be content with life.
Wendy in York
frugal: Rampling is not saying "never" and neither am I, but for now it is not in the cards.
LauraH: And some days, don't we just take that seat?
unefemme: She probably takes really good care of her skin, (short of the shots and surgery), and wow, she looks so naturally marvelous.
Wendy: I have sat across the table from some over-Botoxed and lifted faces, while the woman tells me how natural she looks. But then I also have friends who do look natural.
Here is an interesting piece on the recent death of the last woman known to have bound feet:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2429992/Han-Qiaoni-102-woman-bound-feet-toes-broken-just-2.html
I learned it was made illegal in 1912 but the practice continued. Imagine if we tried to outlaw vanity surgery, which has a far, far greater geographic reach!
I'm not saying "au naturel" hair is the way to go for every woman, and as Passage notes, I make an effort every day to look as presentable and pretty as I can, but have no interest in looking younger. I love my age, I love my life, and I'm not in competition with 20- or 30-somethings for anything. I just wish more women would feel more confident about their age, their bodies and their faces, wrinkles and age spots and all. We've earned all our signs of aging; when did aging become something to be ashamed of? As you can see, I feel strongly about this!!
I would like to point out that some of us ARE in competition with 20 or 30-somethings - hopefully not for sex partners, but in the labour market. This makes matters more problematic than just a question of simple "acceptance" and probably fuel much cosmetic surgery.
Foot binding was a status symbol; mostly for the husband, who was showing he could afford a wife unable to do physical labour. It was horribly crippling.
The problem with cosmetic surgery is, where does one draw the line? Plastic surgery was first developed to restore a human appearance to soldiers maimed in the Great War, a century ago, but there is a great grey area between that, and severe congenital deformities and simply hiding wrinkles.
Vivian Jung: Thanks for commenting! There are many tings women can do and a good first step is being open about how old we are. I dropped by a friend's yesterday and she had a large area rug at her door that had "68" emblazoned on it. It's a souvenir from her last birthday party and she's keeping it there.
lagatta: Competiton is real and so is ageism. Just as I was preparing tho publish this a friend told me of her mother, who earned her PhD at 50, and, wanting an academic position with tenure, got a facelift that my friend swore clinched the deal (and also ,she said, looked completely 'real'). What can I say?
What a world, that women feel they must resort to surgery to get hired.
Susan: I used to wonder that too, and the answer is...my grandmother (LOL)
Comrade: "Used to date" says it all- but some men can be engaged in a more searching conversation, and I hope your reply caused him to think (and keep thinking).
Jane
How much better (and more beautiful)to embrace generativity as we age rather than frittering away our money, energy and maybe health on a futile struggle for youth.
So am I being vain? I do not know. I wish I do not have all the aging spots on my face, I see my future in my father's face and I do not like it. So maybe people who are blessed with beautiful skin do not need to worry so much about aging? But others like myself may need or want to spend a little time or money on some treatments or products? Perhaps there is nothing wrong with this? Or perhaps it is all a futile pursuit any way and why bother?
Duchesse, I, too, look like my grandmother (who was born in the late 1880s!). I have a framed photo of her in our library and it caught my eye as I walked by about a year ago and I did a double take. She was, in the photo, about the age I am now, and looked ELDERLY! I mean really elderly. A lot of that was dress, a lack of makeup, rimless old fashioned eye-glasses, and her hairstyle. (It was a bun.) I could see my face in her's however, and it warmed my heart. If only she knew how she lives on in my daily thoughts.
Carolyn: Beautifully put, thank you.
LPC: Carolyn's comment sums it up. As I said, nothing wrong with wanting to look your best; it is the implicit and often explicit idea of feeling shame for our age that I'm against.
JillAnn: Actually I find 30 the new 40 in that 30-somethings are being targeted for treatments, even surgery, as "proactive" and "preventive" measures. If a woman can feel secure early in life, she is not as likely to be swayed later on by false promises.
Anon@9:55: As Rampling said, we're all vain! And once you look beyond yourself and your genetic gifts, can you not see the BS women your age are being told and sold? (If I were in the dating scene I'd care that I looked as good as possible, but there is a limit to what I'd do.)
Anon@11:32: If you're nearly 50 and got that far without wearing makeup-to work at least- that's quite remarkable. I do advocate conventional grooming and at the risk of sounding grindingly conformist, I think customer or client-facing roles require a minimum of lip gloss and a bit of eye makeup, depending on colouring.
But I am writing about certain posts and books that think women should freak out about every wrinkle, whose writers seem to hate their own aging, and who justify self-absorption and purchase of so-called anti-aging products by the rationalization of "taking care of yourself".
Susan: My hope is that each woman who reads today's post will think about her limits. But more important, I return to the central question, why are we told to hate our own age and the evidence of it in other women?
When we look at those old photos we have to remember that many of the subjects looked current for their time. My physical features are my grandmother's but I do not wear rimless glasses and a flowered silk dress and hat!
But I must say about Mlle Rampling that I don't think her underchin and neck are untouched...that is often the feature (pace Nora Ephron) that is a dead giveaway. My neck is what worries me...I admit.
What's a woman of intelligence to do? Your thoughts dear Duchesse?
I do know women who have had various procedures and do not look worried or unhappy. In fact they look just great, that's a fact.
What to do depends on how much one cherishes looking a certain way or is convinced it "must be done" for reasons some readers cite. But I wish it were not so; I wish the beauty of every age was admired and respected.
Someone said that as people age they get more competant. I'd say that totally depends. If you don't keep active in body and mind, keep reasonably current with tech etc, keep some awareness of trends of thought etc. then you're going to start to slip behind at work or in your personal life.
Thinking about people I know in their 60s and 70s, some of them have lost confidence, get flustered easily, stay at home doing nothing all the time, have outdated racist and sexist views etc... and some are inspirational, living life, continuing to grow and develop, staying active etc.
You have judged that Rampling, who has made a public statement, is not telling the truth. (And •you• are upset you have not been received with "gracious kindness"!)
I, however, feel no compunction to silently condone your behaviour nor that of anyone else who exercises such tactics.
I do see mature women who meet the world head on, as they are, uncowed by such propaganda. You sound like one of them!
I work in a private clinic downtown and have begun to see an influx of very young women (early 20s) in the waiting room awaiting a consultation with the plastic surgeon. It appears this preoccupation with looking young and never aging has affected our youth to the point of beginning prophylactic botox (their words, not mine).