Repeating myself
I'm recounting an incident to an old friend, Susan, who visited. "You already told me that", she observes tartly.I flush with embarrassment for a few seconds and then think "Oh god, I'm turning into my mother." Whom Susan knew. And what's worse, she agreed.
Repetition and its cousin, routine, are valuable to me now. I savour many of the same meals, clothes, scenery and music—as Milan Kundera wrote, "Happiness is the longing for repetition". The pipeline of novelty keeps flowing; friends suggest new music, art and books, but sampling what's new competes with the comfort of proven pleasures. Keeping up becomes a lot.
Just after my gaffe, Ronni Bennett, of the insightful blog Time Goes By, wrote an empathic post, Elders Repeating Ourselves, on the subject.
I've decided, about clothes, that the notion of a rut is irrelevant. By the time you're past 45 or so, there are but two categories: what works and everything else.
As for trends like wedge sneakers or asymmetrical hems (seen everywhere in Montréal last summer, so absolutely not going to be seen next summer), I enjoy them shown off on the young, who don't mind the disposability.
I remember a woman in her seventies whom I saw in Toronto the winter before I moved; she was standing on the street chatting with someone. She wore a charcoal-grey wool reefer with a tart apricot wool scarf at her throat. The colours were spectacular together, arresting yet discreet at the same time. Set off by her white bob, the whole effect was of calm, timeless grace.
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| MaxMara "Rubino" coat |
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| Chann Lu scarf |
Though it's pure projection on my part, I doubt she was trying that silhouette for the first time.
Ditto my admiration of Renata Molho. (The cigarette: I know; Not that.) Just beautifully tuned to colour and proportion.
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| Photos: The Sartorialist |
Different seasons, same glasses, repeated because they are right for her.
But I'd hoped to escape repeating stories.
Maybe, though, repetition is the yellow highlighter of life, showing us what's valued, worth keeping and returning to, as long as we can.
For that reason, I head into 2014 with familiar friends: Lindt dark chocolate with sea salt, sheepskin slippers, yet another year recorded in an ancient navy calfskin Filofax, even though there are all sorts of apps I could use.
I'm wondering what you keep repeating, because of the enduring enjoyment or other rewards.
Comments
Renata is interesting because it shows how few older women have any interest in fashion, that's why she stands out. I live in an area full of seniors and they really just do seem to develop an interest in wearing toddler like palettes and fabrics. I don't know if it's a generational thing boomer vs pre-boomer or whether I will develop that myself in just a few more years.
I tend to repeat colours, I want to wear what I love and if I have 'too much' that's okay. Repeating shapes makes so much sense, what works on the body doesn't change. I like to use those fold up shopping bags if I want to play with a novelty/trendy colour, Baggu makes a good line.
une femme: I do that too, and find even my accessories have a consistent tone.
Anon@8:52; re "Renata is interesting because it shows how few older women have any interest in fashion, that's why she stands out." My experience is totally different; where I live,I see many well-dressed elders daily.
An elder woman may have interest but not the income. The poverty rate for elderly women living alone (in the US) has never been higher: now 18.4%.
Sandy: The world of blues! How lucky you are to be able to wear a range, and from warm hues to cools, you can have quite a range of intensity and mood.
https://baggu.com/
For years, I've tended to begin stories, quite often, by asking if I've already told them. Still, my son pointed out the other day that he'd "heard this one already." Like you, I felt a momentary sting of humiliation.
Sometimes, if I want to signal that I've heard someone's story before, I'll say, "Oh, is this the story about. . . I love the part where. . . Tell me again. . . " After all, so much of life is simply a variation on a theme, no?
Interestingly, my husband has always had a terrible memory and he has spent the last 30 years reading and re-reading Proust, which is all about the recovery of memory.
As far as repeats in fashion, I like to think of it as simply knowing your own style. Go to what you know will work on you and disregard the rest.
When it comes to thinking though, it is an entirely different story. I try to challenge myself every time I find myself making a judgement or closing myself off to new ideas.
We like to go again and again to our favorite restaurants. At one particular restaurant, we like to sit at the bar, order a margarita and our favorite dish. Doing this always makes me happy! Sometimes it is hard to branch out and try a new place when we KNOW we will enjoy the regular and familiar place,
"...that vast accretion of data on which you depend--without it you would not be yourself. Impossible to share, and no one else could view it anyway. The past is our ultimate privacy; we pile it up, year by year, decade by decade, it stows itself away, with its perverse random recall system."
The recall system IS perverse, and we all tell things we've told before, trying to share our stories, ourselves. I enjoy privately 're-reading' my own back pages, but when I want to share a story, I've learned to preface it with, "Did I ever tell you about..." Often friends are kind--or forgetful--enough to say, "No. Tell me." On the other hand, my sister gave my daughter a t-shirt for Christmas that says, "Great story, Mom. Don't tell it again."
About fashion after a certain age, I'm with you: what works--shapes and especially colors--is all that matters.
C.
We go on repeated trips to England every year. We like that we understand the language, everything is available to us, like theatre and literature, but every year we explore a new area and learn something new. It´s a balance; we repeat and add new layers. Kind of like the best stories.
As for the wardrobe you are correct, there are things that work for me (and that I will wear) and clothes that won't. Even though I still buy an outlier item occasionally, chances are it will hang in my closet unworn.
frugal: There is a deliberate re-reading to savour and ponder, and then there is re-reading and discovering, "Oh, wait, no wonder this sounds familiar". I am guilty of the latter.
Anon@12:58: Very useful distinction about staying open to ideas. Thanks!
Susan: Oh, I am laughing! Today at a favourite lunch spot, I deviated from my usual and was deeply unhappy.
C.: That's an evocative passage. Is it "data", though? So much of my memory is kinesthetic, and formed of impressions, blending and layering. Data are information; my memory holds data but also inchoate impressions, emotions, mysteries. There is, however, the "random recall system" of which she writes.
Viktoria Berg: Yes, storytelling is the route of transmission of ancestral and cultural history; what Bruce Chatwin wrote about so movingly in "The Songlines".
Northmoon: I notice the younger generation (yikes, generations) in the workplace do not repeat their stories- but they do have favourite catchphrases.