Elderhood: Preparing from the head and the heart
I have friends counting the months till retirement, and others who cringe at the word. The former group have lists of projects put off till this day, the latter love what they do so want to keep at it, or need to augment or replace savings.
Others were laid off and are now involuntarily retired as jobs remain few for the post-60 woman.
A post by the theologian and writer Matthew Fox explores the opportunity that comes at this point in life; playing with changing "retirement" to "refirement". The full post is here. Though aimed at retirees, many of his questions are also relevant for those in late career.
Fox's questions address contribution and engagement. Some I could answer readily, others I'm sitting with.
1. What is getting you angry and stirring you up? Is it education? Ecology? Homelessness? Low voter turnout? Organize or join others in the struggle.
2. What do you most cherish in life? How can you get another generation excited about that and involved?
3. What fire do you sense in the young people you know? How can you join forces and contribute to their passion and concern?
4. What books do you read or speakers do you listen to who stir some fire inside you? How can you share that fire with others?
5. Some fire is cool (blue) and some fire is hot (orange, red). What are the cool fires burning in you? How can you stoke them to a fuller heat and involve others in your interest?
6. Creativity is a fire. How are you being creative? What art forms are you expressing yourself through these days?
7. What are your talents and what is your experience in life that might be
valuable to others, especially the young? How can you take this to them and
join them in their journey of self discovery and community building?
8. In what ways are you an elder and not just a ‘retired person’?
9. Have you found a young person (or persons) to mentor lately? Go for it!
The wedding photo of my in-laws, who just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary at a buoyant family party, reminds me of Fox's list.
They have been models of giving to their family and to the town in which they've spent all those years: the uncountable hours of volunteer work, the devoted attention to family (including a family friend who was an "adopted daughter"), a home filled with art and good cooking, books and late-night talks. Now in their 80s, they can look back on a life of service, love and prudent decisions, and plenty of fun.
They also represent a life many now say is a closed chapter: a hardworking father and stay-at-home mother, a rock-solid, defined government pension after decades of service with one employer.
The new reality is outlined in a straight-shooting article by Jeff Sommer in the New York Times; he advises those with a million bucks in savings that they might want to keep working, because they could well outlive that nest egg.
To anyone except the firmly well-off, Sommers delivers crisp advice: save as much as you can, prepare to work longer, and question how much you really need. I'd add, since the two biggest expense categories for seniors are housing and transportation, put those in your sights and resolve to get down to one or no car and a smaller space to maintain.
Fox is speaking to the heart, Sommers to the head. We need to heed both, as individuals and in community.
What I'd like want to see most for my American family members is universal health insurance, and for me, living in Québec, the passage of the end-of-life bill.
Others were laid off and are now involuntarily retired as jobs remain few for the post-60 woman.
A post by the theologian and writer Matthew Fox explores the opportunity that comes at this point in life; playing with changing "retirement" to "refirement". The full post is here. Though aimed at retirees, many of his questions are also relevant for those in late career.
Fox's questions address contribution and engagement. Some I could answer readily, others I'm sitting with.
1. What is getting you angry and stirring you up? Is it education? Ecology? Homelessness? Low voter turnout? Organize or join others in the struggle.
2. What do you most cherish in life? How can you get another generation excited about that and involved?
3. What fire do you sense in the young people you know? How can you join forces and contribute to their passion and concern?
4. What books do you read or speakers do you listen to who stir some fire inside you? How can you share that fire with others?
5. Some fire is cool (blue) and some fire is hot (orange, red). What are the cool fires burning in you? How can you stoke them to a fuller heat and involve others in your interest?
6. Creativity is a fire. How are you being creative? What art forms are you expressing yourself through these days?
7. What are your talents and what is your experience in life that might be
valuable to others, especially the young? How can you take this to them and
join them in their journey of self discovery and community building?
8. In what ways are you an elder and not just a ‘retired person’?
9. Have you found a young person (or persons) to mentor lately? Go for it!
The wedding photo of my in-laws, who just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary at a buoyant family party, reminds me of Fox's list.
They have been models of giving to their family and to the town in which they've spent all those years: the uncountable hours of volunteer work, the devoted attention to family (including a family friend who was an "adopted daughter"), a home filled with art and good cooking, books and late-night talks. Now in their 80s, they can look back on a life of service, love and prudent decisions, and plenty of fun.
They also represent a life many now say is a closed chapter: a hardworking father and stay-at-home mother, a rock-solid, defined government pension after decades of service with one employer.
The new reality is outlined in a straight-shooting article by Jeff Sommer in the New York Times; he advises those with a million bucks in savings that they might want to keep working, because they could well outlive that nest egg.
To anyone except the firmly well-off, Sommers delivers crisp advice: save as much as you can, prepare to work longer, and question how much you really need. I'd add, since the two biggest expense categories for seniors are housing and transportation, put those in your sights and resolve to get down to one or no car and a smaller space to maintain.
Fox is speaking to the heart, Sommers to the head. We need to heed both, as individuals and in community.
What I'd like want to see most for my American family members is universal health insurance, and for me, living in Québec, the passage of the end-of-life bill.
Comments
And yes, universal healthcare that all contribute towards would be good for our citizens and good for business.
My husband quit his job, and now we have no health insurance. I just paid $440- for a month's supply of Nexium. How can anyone pay that? His new company's insurance will kick in a month or two down the road but I won't get much of that $440 back.
All I feel I can do now is move home, and save as much as possible. However, my ex still spends as if the money will come in forever. I've seen a financial planner and all he can recommend is live like I'm poor with more going to savings, but he also suggested taking an occasional trip.
How encouraging that the endoflife might be passed. I have seen far too many family and friends die in agony that none of us would make our dogs suffer.
Christine
My retirement event was held at the golf course last night!
It will be a whole new chapter for me and with a second grandchild due this September I am so excited. There are many many things that I want to dabble in from volunteering to helping my family. Taking a course or two and perhaps joining a bridge group. Living on a fixed income will be a bit of a shift but I am not afraid as we have never been big consumers and both my husband and I love living a simple life.
Mme: I love that word, thank you for teaching it. It's related to jubilation, non?
Alexandra: That's good to hear and may they have many years of such active retirement.
Susan: Well, some of us do move!
Christine: While much of your situation is unknown I cannot help but infer that a return to Canada will be of benefit in terms of expense management. So many factors to consider, though, so I hope you have advice re taxes, health care and a comparison of living costs on both sides of the border.
Une femme: A retirement community is not my preference but I also see why someday I might change my mind.
hostess: I am often amused by what people describe as their "simple life". Ah, denizens of the middle class developed world, we are so privileged.
Your in-laws lives were "of the moment" it's gone and passed. I live in an area full of seniors and as a younger boomer have nothing in common with these women. They lived very simple lives obsessed with cleaning and laundry and have no concept of things like poverty, job loss, commuting, getting downsized and not having a fully indexed pension. I also find them resistant to change of any sort in the community fighting everything tooth and nail, so try to distance myself. I certainly don't want to emulate them.
LuaraH: WHere are you? My former TO neighbourhood was like that, as is my current Mtl one. No need for car.
Lynn: I recently re-read Susan Jacoby's "Never Say Die" and recommmend it. She presents stats re dementia: we have a 50% chance of developing some form and it's not affected by heredity, according to her research. Yikes, was that sobering.
As for dementia, I see it as an end of life. Life isn't just breathing and digesting. Don't get me wrong, I hope to die peacefully of old age, but have no desire to be warehoused as a no longer quite human.
Enough slightly morbid thoughts on the longest days in the Northern hemisphere, with such beautiful light.
lagatta: Our present-day North American culture is not characterized by its appreciation of age. I recenlty had someone tell me I shouldn't work anymore to make room for youger workers.
M: Your comments led me to reflect on my mother's caregivers in nursing homes and retirement homes, and from the agency she hired for supplementary care. They were truly remarkable people (save the rare exception). Their strength, compassion and a sharp eye for reading symptoms extended her life by seversl years and added immeasurably to its quality.
I am certainly not Dr Death who wants to save on elder care by imposing "death committees" (which were a myth). Here in Québec we are very far along in terms of choice about life and death, and many of us do want to be able to tell them in advance that we don't want to "live" in dementia, not knowing who anyone is...
I agree that good elder care and palliative care are essential; if not, dying in dignity is not really a "choice", as vulnerable seniors could feel obliged not to hang around for too long.
But such discussions are really only possible in countries where there is National Health Care.
I thought I'd always want to work until I got into my 60's a few years ago. My attitude is gradually changing as I get closer to 65. I'm still conflicted though as I enjoy my job, but I'm looking into retirement more seriously now. Lots of decisions to be made.
Regarding the New York Times article, for me the key phrase is "maintaining your standard of living". He's talking about people who are "accustomed to living on $150,000 a year". My standard of living can be much lower than it was even a few years ago and I don't think I'll feel deprived. I have fewer needs(and wants!) now, my kitchen is set up, my furniture and decorating done, even my wardrobe is pretty much okay as is.
I think the idea of "aging in place" CAN be overrated and can be isolating in itself when the "place" is a home which may even be in an older neighborhood (not a suburb). Many of the elderly have been predeceased by their spouses and/or friends.
Take my mother's situation. She lives in a midsize Texas city (no public transit) and lived in her own home until age 87. She is spry, mentally strong, and likes to stay busy. She did NOT like maintaining her home, hiring people to take care of her yard, and having most of her meals alone on a daily basis. She still drives, but wanted something different.
She moved to one of those dreaded "retirement communities" and has a lovely two bedroom/two bath apartment with a full kitchen and a lovely balcony with a great view. She still has her car (age 90 now) and drives wherever she wants to go.
What she LOVES about the retirement community is all her new friends and activities onsite (art lessons, dancing lessons, movies, lectures, card games, parties.) She also enjoys the unexpected joy of helping the elderly who are younger than she is who may have a walker, or need some help in their wheelchairs.
Moving to the retirement center was entirely her own choice and we have never seen her happier. Everyone who has seen her has commented that she seems to be happier than ever before.
I write all this to let people know that there are many ways to age and that retirement communities (many lovely new ones being built) are an option which works very well for some people.
Duchesse suggested (correctly) that older people CAN move to areas which have good mass transit. This is very true, but, in doing so, many would find themselves in a different part of the country altogether and away from family and what friends they have who have lived to be elderly.
For example, my husband and I are Texans--where are we going to move in our area to find a place where we could age in place with good mass transit? While it is true that downtown Dallas is being transformed, it's not there yet. And, as it stands, does not appear to be a friendly place for an aging person. Maybe it will get there in some years.
Like your mother, mine could afford a nice retirement home, but she definitely wanted to be in her own home, a condo, rather than an institution, and stayed in it till 92. (The condo was much less work than a house.) She still had meals to manage, though, and eventually needed that service.
In her state drivers over 80 must pass a vision test, which she failed at 90.
birdybegins: I am always delighted when a younger reader finds the Passage, thank you.
Lately, I was called "dear" twice in one week by young adult males... that I did not like
"We love you to be with us, but not in pain, not in pain".